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February 2006

January 2006

No more mystery puddles?!

We already have to dodge doggy poo on the streets of our beautiful city but also the mystery puddles! You know what I'm talking about the ones that seem to run after you the ones that look totally unnatural. So, very soon the public toilets (as seen below) will be free to use to the general public! Why risk a 185euro ticket?


Here's to hoping that we see those mystery puddles disappear!

Crash course on how to swim in a French public pool

Rule 1: No mercy! - There's no concept of swimming in lanes in this country. It's a free for all in whatever direction you like.  Today, I got kicked in the boob by this old lady and she just turned and asked if I'd move? I looked over to the Sens de la Nage or Direction to swim and this woman was obviously going the wrong way!

Rule 2: Be prepared to see old men wearing speedos. *shudder*

Rule 3: Must wear swimming cap. Ok, I can appreciate this rule because chlorine is terrible for your hair. I get a kick out of the people who don't know how to put on a swim cap and you see if just sitting on top of their head with all their hair practically hanging out. So much for the swim cap rule. I did once see a bald guy get stopped and told that he had to go and put on a swim cap before entering the pool.

Rule 4: The dressing area is unisex. This doesn't bother me so much but the little boys who were runnning up and down the dressing area popping their heads under the dressing room doors did bother me just little bit.

If anyone else has experience the French public pool, please feel free to add on to this list. :)


When it's ok to talk about these kinds of feelings?

When it's time to have a baby?

How do you know if you've made the right decision?

Are we really sure of anything?

I thought I had certain level of certainty in my life. Boy, was I wrong.

I guess we never really have that much certainty in anything we do. I just don't know how to deal with this. 

How do you deal with a friend who's has let you down?

How do you deal with the loss of a loved one?

How do you deal with people not understanding you?

Do you just give up and get over it?  I don't know how to do that?

Have people in my life really understood who I really am?

Does this make any sense?


I wish I had let my mom read my blog. It never occurred to me that I should share my blog with her.  But now that she's gone... ya know. I thought I was certain that it wouldn't have interested her very much. Or certain that it would have made her angry for whatever reason...  but now I'm not so sure of that.

I was certain once, I remember, I was 22 years old that I wouldn't like knitting. It just didn't appeal to me. But I love it now. I guess I've "grown into" it? How did I know that I was sure I wouldn't like it. I didn't even really try it back then.

I guess now I am realizing that I really can't be certain of anything in my life.  I could get hit by bus tomorrow going to my movie date with my girlfriends.  Or I could come down with some serious illness next week. Or become pregnant. Or have a falling out with a good girlfriend or my husband. Or win the lottery.

I guess the uncertainty can be exhilarating but it only scares the hell out of me now.  How do you find the balance?

When I feel the void, it's like I blank out...

It happened today on the metro. When I blinked back to reality I was at the terminus of the line 7. 7 stops from where I wanted to be.

At the grocery store yesterday I blanked out and I walked around the same isle looking for pasta but I could only find toilet cleaner.

Sometimes when I blank out and when I come back I feel like someone is standing on my heart.

Sometimes I blank out and when I come to I am quietly screaming tears of anger all the while hoping that my husband will not wake up.

Tonight I blanked out doing one of my favorite things and came to and realized that I had no idea what anyone had said and had not noticed the hole I had just knit into the sock I was working on.

Every time I blank out I am thinking about her. missing her.

Ikea on my mind...

I have found that I finally have time to get things that I've been putting off finally taken care of.  Like returning something to Ikea. I love/hate Ikea. I love warehouse feel and the mini bedrooms they have set up for you to imagine your life in but I hate how they sell so many cool things that by the end of your trip there you've accumulated so much you've barely able to get home on the RER B.

I'd also like to find my yarn stash and my shoes a home, as well.  The floor just isn't cutting it anymore especially now that Léo has come home and his rogue fur have turned into what the French call Moutons or dust bunnies are running wild.

Let's see what I come home with today...


Update:  Home in one peice and didn't make too much of a ruckus on the RER except for one woman who tripped over my bag and landed on some dude's lap. They ended up talking all the way home. So, maybe a good thing?  I ended up getting some hooks for J to hand up his dress shirts. They really aren't hooks but these extended hooks that jet out of the wall and he can hang up many shirts at once.  Something we needed so we could get rid of this:

My husband's shirt thing... it's going to be gone very soon.... muhahahaaaa....

Don't you love the motorcross wall paper? I sure don't but here's to hoping we move soon...

And taking after an idea a good friend of mine gave me to control her yarn stash, I found these cute hanging baskets today! And here's my lovely Noro that I ordered off ebay late last year! I haven't figured out what I'm going to make with it yet... for now I'm just admiring my lovely Noro. :)

New Ikea Baskets to get the yarn stash under control
Kureyon & Silk Garden

And finally, here's a gratuitous photo or my new feet muffins... don't you wish you had a pair?

Feet Muffins

Treading near the surface...

For the last 7 weeks or so I felt like I've trying to swim my way against the current in a very torrid river. the current pulling me harder and harder to go the other way and something inside of me fighting my way against it. There'd be moments when the current would win and pull me under and I'd lay under the water looking up seeing the world around me pass and I'd just hold my breath. I can't hold my breath like this forever. I have to let myself breath. I have to let myself live.

Everyone tells me that losing a loved one is the hardest thing in life. How does one prepare themselves for this natural step in life? Losing my mom is the hardest thing that's ever happened to me. I've never felt so many emotions all at once. I've never felt my heart hurt so much or shed so many tears. But I know this is natural and with time all this will pass. I feel myself changing not for the better nor the worse just changing. Maturing. Understanding.

I feel ready to live my life again.

This is a new year. 2006. No resolutions for me. I've never been good at keeping them anyways. Just am going to live my life to the fullest and try to be as happy as I possibly can. I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life who is so patient and so full of love. I have seen how strong my family is through all what has happened and it has reassured me that they are going to make it. And I think I will too.