For the last 7 weeks or so I felt like I've trying to swim my way against the current in a very torrid river. the current pulling me harder and harder to go the other way and something inside of me fighting my way against it. There'd be moments when the current would win and pull me under and I'd lay under the water looking up seeing the world around me pass and I'd just hold my breath. I can't hold my breath like this forever. I have to let myself breath. I have to let myself live.
Everyone tells me that losing a loved one is the hardest thing in life. How does one prepare themselves for this natural step in life? Losing my mom is the hardest thing that's ever happened to me. I've never felt so many emotions all at once. I've never felt my heart hurt so much or shed so many tears. But I know this is natural and with time all this will pass. I feel myself changing not for the better nor the worse just changing. Maturing. Understanding.
I feel ready to live my life again.
This is a new year. 2006. No resolutions for me. I've never been good at keeping them anyways. Just am going to live my life to the fullest and try to be as happy as I possibly can. I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life who is so patient and so full of love. I have seen how strong my family is through all what has happened and it has reassured me that they are going to make it. And I think I will too.
So glad to have you back! And, here's to a great 2006!
Posted by: Andie | January 09, 2006 at 17:02
just a lurker here...but reading your entry gives my hope for the new year myself...i lost my father last year about this exact time. so hard dealing with everything... and trying to get on with your life at the same time. luckily i have a wonderful husband who surprised me with a trip to paris in march...and who gives me all the space i need (usually) when i need it. good luck to you this year...
Posted by: lyn | January 09, 2006 at 17:53
*hugs* welcome back mah sistah!
Posted by: Vivi | January 09, 2006 at 21:56
flare, stay strong and hang in there. *hug* happy 2006! xoxo
Posted by: marie | January 09, 2006 at 22:22
Aimee, I've got nothing but love and admiration for you. This is a trying time, but you will truly overcome. And you will mature and grow with style and grace and all those good things that you've got loads of (don't deny!).
"I feel ready to live my life again."
That's said with true flair by my own true flare. I wish we lived around the block so we could go to coffee. I wish that more and more everytime I come to read you or see you online.
Posted by: reesie | January 09, 2006 at 22:39
Sending much love to your and your family.
Posted by: Angela | January 10, 2006 at 00:37
Welcome back, Flare. Best wishes to you in 2006.
Posted by: francofile | January 10, 2006 at 04:10
Bon courage my dear! It's lovely to have you back xxx
Posted by: Antipodéesse | January 10, 2006 at 14:33
I'm so glad you're back! I hope 2006 is a wonderful year for you.
Posted by: tiffany | January 10, 2006 at 23:41
Glad to see you're back. Sorry to hear about your mom. I have faith that 2006 will be much better than the last year though.
Posted by: Dagny | January 12, 2006 at 02:53
welcome back and happy new year!
Posted by: kala | January 12, 2006 at 16:49