How great is it when you catch up with an old friend? We've recently gotten a land line in our apartment. Never needed one before because we had cell phones but that limited us to only calling people we knew in France. Great for the husband, not so great for me but I got used to it (how I got used to it, I don't know). When I arrived I had a total of ZERO friends in Paris, so my call lists on my phone consisted of calls made, received and missed all from my dear husband. He did make an effort those first few months to call often even if he was just down the street so I didn't feel so alone.
I just called an old friend and had one of those heart warming conversations where it's like we never stopped talking to each when in all reality the last time we talk/saw each other was nearly 4 years ago. Busy lives in two different countries. We lost touch but didn't lose each other completely.
It's funny how time plays tricks on my mind. Things that happened 13 years ago seem so clear like it just happened yesterday but I can't remember what Julien and I had for dinner last night. Then there's time reminding you of an important date, you don't know how you remember it, you just know it like you know your first name. And then there are times when you try to forget and you can't and your mind seems to beat around this moment until you accept that you are going to remember it. I just can't keep up with the ebb and flow of time these days...
This is going to be a year I know I will remember. It will be a year of many firsts without my mother. But I suspect as time passes things will get easier... I sometimes fool myself into thinking that everything is just fine and then time reminds me. I feel myself pause. My thoughts regroup. I breathe. And tell myself to live. It's all still so hard.