How great is it when you catch up with an old friend? We've recently gotten a land line in our apartment. Never needed one before because we had cell phones but that limited us to only calling people we knew in France. Great for the husband, not so great for me but I got used to it (how I got used to it, I don't know). When I arrived I had a total of ZERO friends in Paris, so my call lists on my phone consisted of calls made, received and missed all from my dear husband. He did make an effort those first few months to call often even if he was just down the street so I didn't feel so alone.
I just called an old friend and had one of those heart warming conversations where it's like we never stopped talking to each when in all reality the last time we talk/saw each other was nearly 4 years ago. Busy lives in two different countries. We lost touch but didn't lose each other completely.
It's funny how time plays tricks on my mind. Things that happened 13 years ago seem so clear like it just happened yesterday but I can't remember what Julien and I had for dinner last night. Then there's time reminding you of an important date, you don't know how you remember it, you just know it like you know your first name. And then there are times when you try to forget and you can't and your mind seems to beat around this moment until you accept that you are going to remember it. I just can't keep up with the ebb and flow of time these days...
This is going to be a year I know I will remember. It will be a year of many firsts without my mother. But I suspect as time passes things will get easier... I sometimes fool myself into thinking that everything is just fine and then time reminds me. I feel myself pause. My thoughts regroup. I breathe. And tell myself to live. It's all still so hard.
Nothing like a long conversation with an old friend. I only have a cellphone but I also have an international calling plan on it.
Posted by: Dagny | April 19, 2006 at 02:28
i'm so impressed with your writing these days. it's so honest, and fresh. it's not at all goopy or overly emotional. it's very indentifiable...
i can't believe that you haven't had a land line till now... have you just relied on your family calling you to talk to them?
Posted by: jess/ ncn | April 19, 2006 at 03:03
It is amazing how you can just pick up almost effortlessly when there is a strong connection.
May those connections stay alive and support you through any difficulties you face in this year. It may be hard, but you are so strong. Really, I totally agree with Jess. So much heart in this. And that hear is really strong.
Posted by: Adrienne | April 19, 2006 at 04:25
Very eloquent writing. I can’t imagine knowing what you’re going through. Live in the moment –a good thought.
Posted by: brooke | April 19, 2006 at 05:02
If you haven't already check out www.skype.com--internet phone service
I get calls from or call to Japan, Canada, Kuwait, Algeria. All free and a surprisingly good connection.
Sorry about what you're going through right now. How you must really miss your mom.
Posted by: dongurigal | April 19, 2006 at 10:41
It took me a long time to get adjusted to life in the States! No friends (at first) and a language barrier... Sound familiar?
Enjoy your phone!
Posted by: Veronique | April 19, 2006 at 16:28
That was really beautiful. I just stumbled upon your page and I'm glad I did. You really made my day just now :)
Posted by: Mak | April 19, 2006 at 20:47
I have friends that I'm like that with. I still kick myself for not keeping in touch with them on a more regular basis but am heartened to know the connection is still there when we do connect.
Keep on keeping on as they say.
Posted by: Serena | April 20, 2006 at 00:19
I can't imagine without having a landline phone with a cell phone. Since in Korea if I call with a cell to landline, it cost more. If I call cell to cell, cost less, and landline to cell more, landline to landline less.
But 'ey~ Am glad you got your landline now. :3 And I read your short bio, and I think that's awesome how you majored in French, and went there and found your hubby. :3 How romantic. ^_^
Posted by: Tara | April 20, 2006 at 07:29
It's so funny how there are some people who are such good friends that you can not talk to them for a long period of time, and then when you do talk to them, you pick up at the exact moment you left off, as though no time at all had passed.
Beautiful, honest post
Posted by: lapagefrancaise | April 20, 2006 at 10:22
Beautifully written, but is it time you speak of... or love?
Posted by: Glenn | April 20, 2006 at 16:19
I have a friend like that. I I haven't seen her for about 14 years but yet when I reconnected with her recently it felt as if nothing was changed.
Posted by: Lissa | April 21, 2006 at 23:16
I am struggling to trust the ebb and flow of time too. It does bring a lot of joy and sorrow. My daughter asks me sometimes when I will die and I tell her that I will always be her mother, and will love her for as long as she lives and can remember me.
I do not know you, Flare, so maybe I am being too personal. For that I am sorry, but your post got me thinking.
Try saying a silent thank you in honour of her memory every time you feel that pang of pain. It is nothing dangerous or harmful, it is only love.
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