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August 2006
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September 2006

And just like that..

My mother is there.

It happened today on the bus. I was on my way to visit a friend and an older Asian woman ran out in the middle of the street trying to hail the bus.  She waved her hand and the arch of her wrist reminded me of the way my mother used to stand on the front step waving to us as we'd leave the house. She would stand there and wave until we were out of sight. I remember looking back through the rear view mirror to see her waving, Her wrist arched the way it did. Waving and waving.  The tears came as I watched the bus pass the old woman on the street.  I wanted him to stop and let her on the bus just so that I could see her again.  I'm starting to see my mother all over the place now.  Especially when we go out to dinner to our favorite Korean restaurant.  I'll see someone who ressembles my mother. Someone who has the same skin tone or soft voice as my mother. I'll turn to see if it really could be her. But it never is.  She talks to me in my dreams now. I hear her whispering memories to me as I wonder about life.  I can feel her hands on my shoulders rubbing away the stress in my neck.  I hear her humming songs while she cooks. And playing the piano in the living room. 

There will be no numbing of this pain. I carry it with as a badge of courage.  As proof that life is precious.  If I could I'd trade it all in just to have her with me again. 

As I think about the woman I saw today and her wave, I remember my mother waving to me as I left for my first year in college. Or when I left for the airport to fly to France. Or the very last time I saw her after our December wedding waving to me through the gate at Kansas City International.  I'll never forget that wave, her delicate wrist and the love that it stood for.

I miss you, Omma.


Ikea, donuts and our pants not fitting anymore

On our way to Ikea this morning I stopped on the street and showed my husband my new way of buttoning my pants.

Trying to stay in my pants as long as I can...

He laughed and then pulled up his shirt and said, "Moi, aussi".  I think he's put on a few sympathy pounds.  Though his sympathy is all for him because I haven't gain a pound in my first trimester and have the doctor's scale to back me up. yay!  I know it'll all come back to me in the later months.  And going to Ikea won't help because one thing I always look forward to are their donuts.  Their sugar cake donuts. Yeah, they are starchy and sweet but man, do they taste good. 

The evil donut

We picked up a coffee table and tried to pick out an armoire but ended up with just the table and a few little things. I'm sure all the Ikeas around the world are the same as they have the expos of the faux rooms upstairs and all the little trinkets like candles, curtains, rugs, picture frames and plants downstairs on your way out.  Smart Ikea people know that people like us will always need an extra candle or something?  We ended up with a new shower curtain, a plant (Julien killed the plant that I was given two years ago for my bday, sorry Kim!), a few pillow cases and a candle. Not a very productive trip to Ikea but we did figure out that we need to reduce our respective wardrobes before we invest in an armoire.  Anyone have any advice for a pack rat who won't let go? Ahem, and that would not be me. :)

As for remodeling the apt, we've re-thought things and are working through our new idea. We don't want to change the status of our apt from being an F3 to an F2. So, we'll more than likely keep the wall. Re-do the bathroom and de-clutter as much as humanly possible.  Thanks for all your advice and ideas... I think we'll end up an apt we can live in for the next few years.

Uh, oh...I hear my husband banging away on something better go check on him... :)


We have some serious planning to do...

A few years ago we got into an apartment through my husband's work.  The benefit of this was that the rent was super low and we would double the size of the apartment we were living in at the time which was just barely 30 square meters.  At the time we moved in we were told that if we had a child we'd be able to upgrade to a larger apartment to meet the needs of our growing family.  Well, that was over two years ago and sometime between then and now they changed the rules and didn't tell us.  So, when we put in our demand for another apartment and were denied.   What to do? You may have remembered a few months ago I was getting into Apartment Therapy. Wrote a couple posts about it and then poof I stopped. Well, I stopped because we were at an impasse about our apartment.  Since we were not the owners,  we figured we were not going to invest too much time or money into the apartment. We decided to make due with what we had et voila! 

That's all changed now.

So, remember our living room?

Our Livingroom: Before.

The upper right hand photo there's a door and that leads to our bedroom which is roughly the same size as the living room. Our new plan now is to knock down the wall between our bedroom and the living room to make a larger living space. And we'll move our bedroom into our guest room/office:

Office/Guest room remastered!

The furniture in this room will either be sold or moved into the the living room depending on necessity. Now that we are having a baby we have to minimize the clutter and extra things we have laying around. Everyone keeps telling me that even though babies are small they have  A LOT of things!  We will be sharing a bedroom with the baby.  I don't know how that will all work out but at this point this is the only solution. Our current living room is just too small and for us a priority is to make a nice sized living space where we can live in together as a family.  Knocking down the wall between our bedroom and living room will give us a living room of just over 20 square meters (roughly 215 square feet). 

I don't know if this is all doable, this is our idea that we're throwing around right now. We have to get approval from the housing board to do the work in the apartment but apparently it's possible as we know of other people in our building who have done similar things.  Here's to hoping....

So, while looking around on the Internet for ideas on space saving I found this really neat crib:

The Corner Crib

But at $449, that makes it wishful thinking for us.... great space saving concept, though.  Julien looked at this and said, "I could build that!" :)

And just something random for you, I bought myself a pair of shoes today.  I know I haven't mentioned shoes in a long while here well except for that silly Keds story but I though I'd tell you that I bought my first pair of Campers. And I love them. I feel like sleeping with them on my feet.  That's how much I love them. Lately, my feet have felt weird. Sometimes they are bloated. Sometimes the heels hurt for no reason. Or it's the arches. My converse feel weird on (and sometimes hurt) my feet as did my Birks. Even my favorite flip flops were a no go.  I know it's probably the pregnancy playing tricks on my feet but I needed to find something to remedy it.  And I did. I'm a happy Camper now!

 

Happy Camper

I'm off to bed... but not before I wish Ms. Kyliemac a speedy recovery.  Thinking of you, Blois.


New morning ritual

It rained hard last night. And I slept like a baby.  Maybe that's why I slept so well while growing up in Kansas, it rains all the time there. Anyway, I'm having a hard time waking myself up right now. The grogginess extends through out my body's limbs and is telling me "get back in bed, silly..." But no, I'm sipping my morning tea and getting ready to head to Monoprix, kind of like a mini version of Target, to get a pair of cotton yoga pants and then I'm off to my first prenatal yoga class.  Since becoming pregnant my body joints have become incredibly flexible. I've almost found the same felixbility I had when I was at the height of my Tae Kwon Do training which is pretty darn cool. I'd like to try to keep it if possible.

So, off I go... class starts in an hour!

PS. Thank you to everyone for their sweet, sweet comments! I had no idea I had so many readers out there. Thanks for sharing in this adventure with Julien and I. :)

****EDIT****  10:15am and I'm home again.  Well, I got to Monoprix, stood in line, the vendeuse rang up my snazzy cotton pants and I went for my wallet and it wasn't there! I'd left it on the livingroom table last night while booking our airline tickets for our flight to the US  in November.  No money to pay. And no metro pass.  And that means no class this morning! I'm bummed. Next week, for sure!  I don't know why but I've become so forgetful lately.  Is this a symptom of pregnancy? I never forget things as important as my wallet and metro pass.  Has anyone else experienced this?

Update:

I've recieved some emails about the yoga class I'm taking. Here's the information:

Yoga Marais   http://www.yogamarais.com/

72 rue Vertbois
75003

Prenatal yoga is on Friday mornings from 10am-11:30am


5 years ago today

I was dressing for work at a friend's house. I had stayed the night because her husband was in New York City for a work conference and we thought we'd have a girls night out. His conference took place within blocks of the World Trade Center.  As I was dressing, I turned on the television to watch the morning news to only see an image of the one of the World Trade Center towers on fire and then another airplane crash into the second tower.  It was like time stood still. My friend and I stood holding one another not believing what we had just seen.  Where was my sister? She was living in New York City at the time and I had no idea if she had to work that day or not. Where was my friend's husband?  Where was my brother? He was a student at Georgetown University just blocks from the Pentagon.  No calls were going in or out of either city.  I called in sick as did most of my colleagues. Hours passed without a word. Finally the phone rang and it was my friend's husband. He was safe. Scared but safe.  He said he had never run so hard in his life. Read his experience here.   An email came in from my brother. He sent a photo he took from his dorm window of the Pentagon on fire and a short message saying he was fine and that they were evacuating everyone from campus.  His proximity to the crash was unbelievable but he was safe.  And I finally heard word from my mother that my sister was safe, as well. It was her day off. She was safe in her apartment in Queens. 

I'll never forget that day. The fear, the anguish we felt.  Even though I was far, far away in Olathe, Kansas, I still felt the pain.  Every American wherever they were in the world felt the impact of the bombings of 9/11 and are still feeling them today.  I have learned to live with the changes that were brought on by these unthinkable acts of  violence.   And now that we will be bringing a child into this world and I'm so worried about how life will be for our new little one.  So many unsettling questions of what it all means now?   It scares me how I am used to the way life is today. The lingering fear  that has become a part of the ebb and flow of daily life. The security. The  omnipresent paranoia.  And how hard it is to remember life before all this terror happened?  May we find a world where violence isn't the answer. Remember those who have lost their lives so innocently and live life in peace. 


1 am Revelations

- Insomnia is my new unwelcome friend.
- I haven't had a glass of milk in two months.
- I've been averaging a new bra size every 4 weeks.
- Sleeping on  my stomach has become an impossible task.
- Low rise jeans are my new favorite pants.
- Cat naps is my new favorite activity..
- My husband and I feel like we've been on cloud 9 for the past two months .
- The Paris metro system really smells bad.
- The bus system is pretty darn good, though.
- I've found a new section at  H&M that I love.
- My most frequent meal lately has been baked potatoes, with a little butter and cracked pepper.
- I miss coffee.
- Never thought nausea could be so fun. (sarcasm)
- A new outlook on life has given my soul a breath of fresh air.

Though some of  these revelations are uncomfortable, the outcome out weights the bad and all these recent evénements are all very welcome  in my life right now.  If you haven't figured it out yet, we're having a baby! And we are so pleased. It's 1 am and the sleeplessness has crept in. I'm off to think happy thoughts and hope that sleep finds me tonight.


EDIT:

The beginning of a new silhouette....

The beginning of a new silhouette


Back to normal

I don't know how it happened but my commenting requirements were changed. Maybe I did it in a late night tinkering on Typepad. Anyway, things are back to normal... one thing that isn't normal is wearing a sweater in August. Well, now it's officially September but still... I can handle wearing a sweater (I guess) but I will not give up my flip flops just yet.


My new addiction

Project Catwalk

Every week I get my dose of Project Runway watching the weekly creations go down the runway, inspiring me to create and I get my happy dose of melodrama that is reality tv.  So, while searching for this week's episode of PR, I found that the UK has their version of PR called Project Catwalk. And I'm addicted.  There's something about watching catty designers lash it in their British accents. Love it!

We've recently gotten rid of our cable, saves us 70 euros a month and have turned to buying movies and watching Internet tv.  My husband is really into Prison Break and often we'll be side by side at our computers watching our respective tv shows, eating dinner and just being together.  Ah, technology...