I'm starting to feel much better now, the doctor didn't seem too worried I was sick. Thanks for all the suggestions! My doctor suggested like many of you to drink flat coke and TUC crackers. It seemed to have worked it's charm. Now I'm congested but I think it's due to the unseasonably mild weather we are having. It's awfully humid yet cold outside, it just seems the cold sticks to your bones a lot easier when it's so humid.
We had our big second trimester check up yesterday. I've gained 7 kilos to date. Which I'm pretty proud of because I gain weight by just looking at junk food. The baby is growing at an amazing pace and the doctor says that he's above average in all categories. He is about 25cm long and from what we could tell with the 3d sonogram he has a little nose like me! And chubby cheeks. Not surprised considering his mama was called the incredible chunk growing up, I had cheeks that everyone wanted to squeeze. Okay, I still kind of do... Starting this week as well, he's been a lot more active. Mostly at night and he keeps me awake, the light sleeper I am. I read that it's not uncommon that the babies are active the second part of the night. He kicks so hard now that I can see it with the naked eye. It's really a surreal experience. I would touch one side of my stomach and a few seconds later he's kick in the same spot. We're working on his touch sensory already! He also has become very reactive to Julien's voice. Julien talks to my belly every night before bed. He sings songs for the baby or tells him to rest so that mummy (as he calls me) can sleep. I've never experienced anything so touching as to see my husband assume his role as father.
With the sleepless nights have come late night knitting and lot of soul searching. I've been wondering about my mother and a few times this week in the few hours of sleep I am able to catch, I see her there. Once we were knitting together and once she was taking care of what I think was our baby. It was a baby boy that I had never seen before but seemed so familiar to me. I'd awake comforted yet empty. This new chapter in our lives that Julien and I are embarking on is what I believe is the next step for me in the healing process or grieving process. I lost my mother at the time when she had taught me most of life's lessons such as right and wrong, unconditional love, being a good sister/person, being an adult and being a good wife and with her death, she's taught me how to live and survive the death of a loved one. Now that I am embarking on the next big stage in my life and becoming a mother, I must admit that feel scared. But talking with my father he said that he and Omma were so scared too. I believe that my role as mother will be directly influenced by the relationships I have with my husband and my other family members but it will also be affected by the love and loss I feel for my own mom's life and death. This is the coming of full circle, it empowers me and has restored my hope.
It's been a long time since I've been able to see so clearly. Sure, I still have days when I cry because I'm sad but those are few and far between. And I honestly feel okay about those sad moments. And I use them as a way to reflect positively on my life and to look forward.
Three and half more months to go before our baby makes his grand entrance into this world. With every kick and movement he makes my heart flutters (and heals) from all the excitement.
Wow, what a touching post! It's a new stage in your life and you describe it beautifully.
Posted by: Jennifer | December 08, 2006 at 17:01
Your Mom gave you the tools to grow and do the right things in your life. If you believe as I do, she is looking down on you all of the time and beaming a huge smile and very proud of her daughter. Take care,
Posted by: martina | December 08, 2006 at 17:13
The scariest moment of my life was as they were wheeling me into to extract the first monkey. Marc and I looked at each other and one of us, I don't remember any longer which one, said, "You know, our lives are never going to be the same."
You'll see your mom more and more. You'll hear her voice come out of your own mouth. You'll see her expressions in your baby's face. It's spooky and freaky, and definately bitter-sweet at times, but it reminds you that those who have gone before aren't really 'gone' after all.
Posted by: Doc | December 08, 2006 at 17:16
Very inspiring post! I'm glad you are feeling better. Thanks for sharing your beautiful descriptions of this important time in your life!
Posted by: Christina | December 08, 2006 at 18:10
what a wonderful post today.
I am glad to hear you are feeling better, both in the belly and in your heart.
new life brings new hope.
peace to you...
Posted by: NessieNoodle | December 08, 2006 at 19:05
I am so proud of you two. You have come such a long way, and your mom is with you. She's visiting, just to let you know she's with you.
And Julien is the most adorable thing ever! Give him a kiss for me. :)
Posted by: Ronica | December 08, 2006 at 20:38
I'm glad you are feeling a bit better. Thanks for sharing your feelings about your mother, too.
Posted by: Alison | December 09, 2006 at 01:25
*wiping the tears away from my eyes* that was a beautiful post. You express yourself so well and I know that your Omma is there watching over you and your little baby, how wonderful that you can feel it and sense it so well. ((big hugs))
Posted by: riana | December 09, 2006 at 11:16
What a lovely post. I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. And 7 kilos? Good for you!
Posted by: Lee Ann | December 09, 2006 at 14:11
Awww. Glad everything is going so well. I can imagine how surreal seeing the baby kick can be. I keep thinking Alien. : )
Posted by: Serena | December 10, 2006 at 03:53
The beauty and sadness of the post makes me want to cry a bit. Your mom sounds like an amazing and courageous woman... You're still in good hands - even in her physical absence.
Posted by: Mlle Smith | December 10, 2006 at 21:48
A lot of people are afraid of sadness and even afraid to be afraid. But why? All emotions and feelings are valid; it's a shame we judge ourselves and others so often for having the negative emotions at all. Not that we should WALLOW in the negative feelings but it's far healthier to admit what you're feeling, give yourself some space to experience it, and then release it and move on with your day. Sounds like you've reached that point of acceptance. Good for you.
Posted by: The Bold Soul | December 12, 2006 at 00:39
You will find that you will be scared, over and over again...the first steps...to the first school days(I cried when Jack went to K this year), but the joys and quiet moments of snuggling far exceed the times of being scared. Your Omma is there to catch you...and so is your family...even though we are far...we are here...
love.
Posted by: Mary Anne | December 13, 2006 at 17:43
Glad you're feeling better! =o)
Posted by: Deb | December 14, 2006 at 06:58