Hands

This photo is today's entry in my 2007 photo diary:

I've been having a rather rough week. Emotionally speaking that is. I've been thinking about my mom a lot lately.  Missing her terribly. I lost her a year ago last November.  Last year was a complete blur. I only started to see clear near the end and with the beginning of this new year, I beieve I finally see where I want to go.

I've scanned a photo for today's entry.  This the photo that is on my bed stand. I look at it every night before I got to bed and it's almost the first thing I see when I wake up.   

Every night before bed, my husband and I have our nightly ritual to tell each other that we love each other. I often lay carressing my husband's hands and I fall asleep.  Growing up, my mother's hands were my "dou-dou" as the French call it. Her hands were my security blanket. My teddy bear. I always remember holding hands with my mom. It was just something we always did.  They smelled of sweet cherries and were as soft as silk.   In all the photos I have of my mother, I always look at her hands. They were always a safe place for me.  After grueling tennis matches in high school, my mother would rub my shoulders. Hugs always included my mother cupping her hands on my face. And excitement always meant an enthusiastic clap of joy from her.  These little things I miss so much. 

I reach down and cup my hands around my growing belly and know that my hands will be as equalling important to our little guy.  I often wonder what memories a baby carries with them when then start their life, I truely believe that deep feeling I have towards my mother's hands stems from the very beginning of my life.  This memory is an intrinsic mark I will carry with me forever.

Comments

[Alison]

((Aimee))

[Robyn]

Sending out a hug to you.

[Scoutj]

I found your blog through, I think flickr, and I wanted to let you know that I too lost my mother and know these feelings. She died almost 14 years ago and today my son turned 8. We talk a lot about her and the kids know she comes and sees them in their sleep. Sending you a big hug.

[martina]

I asked my mother to come with me to a doctor's appointment yesterday. She grabbed my hand and held it tight and aqueezed at the times she knew I was scared. Even though she is 70, my mom still gives me immense comfort. I totally understand how much you miss your Omma and your story was beautiful and very touching.

[cyn]

what a touching and poignant entry, aimee. thank you for sharing with us.

[Rhonda]

I don't think there is ever a lonelier time for a daughter than when she is about to be a mother, and her own mother is gone. I lost my mom six years ago in November and it still pains me today as it did then, especially when I think of my little girl and the little girl on the way that will never have a chance to know her. ((hugs)) to you and know that your wonderful memories will serve as beautiful stories to tell your children for years to come.

[aminah]

just by chance I read this post. It brought tears to my eyes. I can relate to that about a mother´s hands and the comfort they have brought to their children-soothing back rubs, or a firm grip when crossing a busy road...I have written about my mum in my blog and it helps to remember all those small details we may otherwise have been too complacent to have noted...thankyou for sharing

[Scoutj]

I wanted to add to this that on the day she died I was 22 years old and that morning I crawled into bed with her to cuddle with her. Later in the day I held her hand as we walked around shopping. I too, always held my mom's hand even as an adult....

[Emma]

Caress you beautiful growing belly and take care of your loving hands. I believe you are right that your hands will comfort your little baby the same way the hands of your Omma has comforted you.