49 inches of baby!
Suggestions, please?

Preparing myself

January 8, 2007
Wondering what it will be lke when he's looking up at me? Photo taken at 27 weeks.

In less than 9 days I will be a mother.  When I look at it that way, I think to myself how will I ever be ready for this? I've had this life growing inside me for nine months and in less than nine days I will finally get to meet him. 

Julien and I have been really enjoying ourselves lately, taking advantage of the fact that we can go out to dinner en amoureux, stay out late and sleep in the next day.  Just tonight, we were dining at a restaurant near Belleville, we both came to the realization that in just over a week we won't be able to do this again for a very, very long time.  I know I don't fully realize all the changes that will come with a new baby coming into our lives.  Julien and I have agreed to take it one day at a time.  Change like this is not something that's black and white and written down on paper for all to know.  We'll just see where it takes us...

We were also talking about the upcoming cesarean and Julien asked me if I will regret not having our baby naturally.  My first instinct is I want to do what's best for the baby. I have made my decision but thinking about it more tonight I feel a bit of sadness that I will not be able to birth out son as nature intended me to.  Early on in my pregnancy if you asked me how I wanted to have our son, I'd immediately say naturally, no drugs. I have a birth plan and I'm going to follow it!  I believe I'm feeling for the first  time the natural protection instict parents feel when it comes to their children.  Doing what is best for their kids at any cost. I will sacrifice myself for better of my son.  Someone wrote to me and asked me if it was the pain of labor and birth I was scared of and that's why I agreed to the cesarean section.   I agreed to the cesarean because I want my son to be perfect not because of the potential physical pain factor child birth entails.  I'm not scared of the pain at all. I think with the loss of my mother I've experience the most painful event one could ever experience in their life time. No physical pain can compare to the pain my heart feels.   

Don't get me wrong, I have worries.  I worry about being able to breastfeed after the cesarean operation.  I hope it won't be too difficult. I am also a little worried about my re-entry home after the operation. I will more than likely be alone with the baby for a while because Julien will have to work.  I won't lie to myself and say that I'll be able to do it all, I honestly don't know what to expect.  I really wish my mom were here to help me, to advise me or to just to tell me in her way that everything will be alright. 

So, here I am trying to prepare myself.  I'm trying to read as much as I can about cesarean operations. Meditating and taking time out to pamper myself.  Making last minute shopping runs to Ikea (a blog entry in the making) to fill the baby's room. Spending quality time with my husband. And just enjoying the last weeks of my pregnancy and my body's amazing shape. 

9 days to go...


 

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