Thank you to everyone who extended their advice and support from the last post. Things have been progressively better. I've changed my diet a little and have been now eating lots of fish in the hopes to pump my body up with natural goodies instead of going the drug route. I've read some other blogs where other women really experienced deeper depression feelings and I have to say that I am not there. I just need sleep. Sleep is the key. I feel like a new me when I can get my three hours when Max decides to sleep.
Well, I had intended to blog today about how this week was going. Up until a couple nights ago, it was going great. Maximilien and I had found a nice little rhythm and I actually felt confident enough to try to take him out to go Rue Mouffetard to look for some shoes for myself. But two nights ago I felt hot. Flu like hot. It's warm in Paris. Spring is here but not hot enough where I am sweating all the time and uncomfortable and Julien and Max were just fine. So, I took my temperature and it was 100.5. Uh oh. I didn't know what to do about the breastfeeding if I were sick. I panicked for about three seconds and then jumped on the computer and Googled it. Oh, how I love thee Internet. I visited three sites that said to keep breastfeeding and that it would be just fine for the baby. If anything it's a good thing to expose him a little to what I have so he can build up his immunity. I hadn't noticed but my breasts were engorged. I just thought that they were full and I needed to feed max. He had been sleeping for nearly 4 hours and when I go that long without feeding him they tend to get super full. I breastfed him and fell asleep to wake up with the most excruciating pain coming from my right breast. It was engorged but not like it normally would be after a few hours of sleep. A friend came over and brought me soup, I tried to eat as much as I could but feeling feverish, I had little appetite. She played with Max while I took a long shower and massaged my sore breast. After she left, I took my temperature again and it was 102.2. Not good. I laid down and called S.O.S Medcin and they sent over a doctor right away. She examined me and immediately said I had an infected breast that it probably was Mastitis. She prescribed me pain relief, antibiotics and a breast pump. Yep, in France you can get a prescription for a breast pump and they will even deliver it to your house. Before the doctor left, she sat with me to try to figure out how this happened. I told her that I had been breast feeding all the time so I was surprised that this happened. She asked if I had changed anything lately and I did, in the last two days I had introduced the pacifier to Max in the afternoons when he's awake and all he wants to do is suck. I needed the break and he was content on sucking on the tetine. What happened was that my body didn't get the message and kept making more milk, normally I would have put Max on my breast to ease his sucking urge. And me being so tired, I didn't notice that my breast were so full. The combination of me being so run down and the slight change in our breast feeding routine threw everything out of wack. So, last night I spent the entire night shivering and sweating from the Mastitis induced fever and breast fed Max as much as I possibly could. As painful as it was for the first few hours, we got through it and I noticed that my breast hurt a little less today.
Honestly, when I thought things couldn't get any harder they did and I'm getting through it. For a few minutes there I was in tears, talking to Max asking why this was happening... he just looked back at me with his little blue eyes and smiled. I know it's hard but it's worth it. I want to do it for him but more importantly I want to do it for me. I'm living the most amazing experience in my life right now. I don't want to waste it away with tears and worry. Yes, Ahppa... I'm going to stop worrying so much and just go with the flow. I still feel quite bad today, physically but mentally I feel almost the best I've felt in three weeks even though my right boob feels like it's leaking needles right now.
Max just let the biggest fart ever. And he's all laying there in bed looking up like he didn't do anything. He is definitely my son, I'd do the exact same thing. These times are the best times, just mommy and Max moments. Can't wait for more of them to come...