Shouldn't I be doing something else besides blogging?
Max's first picnic at the Champs de Mars

Family

We're back in Paris. It's good to be home. Max was a champ during both legs of our international trip to the US.  He actually slept in the weird bassinet thingy. And what is with strangers thinking that it's okay to touch him.  I had to stop several hands from pinching his chunky cheeks while he was sleeping? Hello? I must say that I was very happy to have the Maya Wrap with me. It made toting my 15lb two month old plus two suitcases at 50lbs and the Maclaren very, very easy.

The time spent with my family was amazing. He was welcomed by my family with open arms. We laughed and shared tears of joy and sadness. I was in awe all weekend to see the generations of my family all together. My father holding his grandson for the first time. My Aunt speaking Korean to her great nephew. My cousins introducing me to their children.  Family. The one thing that makes living abroad so hard.   

With every milestone in my life, I am reminded of the emptiness my heart feels.  The void that often over takes me when I think of my mother.  I know that her time on the Earth has ended and she's gone off to do bigger things. My spiritual side reminds me that when my life ends on this physical Earth I walk on, a new spiritual life will begin and there I will see my mother again.  But I am terribly sad that she can not take part in this momentous time in my life. To hold her grandson, to experience this with me.  I guess it's my selfishness that will not let her go. I choose not to let her go and I know that makes it hard for me to fully enjoy these happy times.  I do find comfort in speaking with my family about my feelings. To know that it's just as hard for them as it is for me.  We are all moving on in our own ways.

I try to keep my head up and look at what is ahead of me. I take quiet moments to absorb happy moments and try to linger on those happy times to help me get through the hard ones.  I look to the faces of my loving family and see that time is catching up with each and every one of us.  I just turned 30. But I still see my siblings as the young under 10 year olds they once were and yet they surprise me with their wisdom and I realize they are now adults just like me. 

Leaving my family was hard but I looked forward to coming home to my own family. Max and I were greeted by a very happy Julien.  Max's eyes lit up with recognition as his father pulled him close for cålin.  We stood and held on to each other in the middle of the airport.  Kissing and hugging. Smelling each other again. It's good to be home.

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