Today was an exceptionally hard day because Maximilien is transitioning from two naps to one. I know it seems small but nap time has always been a very integral part of our everyday life. Along with the physical fatigue of trying to keep up with an over tired baby, my heart was aching because I've been missing my mom a lot lately. I really, really needed to call her and just simply tell her how hard today was and to hear her reassuring words.
When I miss her the most, I curl up with the wedding afghan she knit for Julien and I and sit quietly and think about her. I get lost in my thoughts remembering everyday conversations that we had. I focus in on her voice and intonation and it brings me comfort. I study the stitch patterns of the afghan and I can see her knitting. Her hands moving over the yarn and the click of her needles. I grasp the wool of the afghan and I can feel her presence though not the physical presence I so desperately yearn for, I can feel her spiritual presence and this brings me peace.
beautiful post, another side of love, right?... your blog is very inspiring. happy day to you!
Posted by: Barbara | February 15, 2008 at 00:00
What a lovely blanket.
Do people in France celebrate Valentine's Day?
Posted by: Robyn | February 15, 2008 at 00:02
My sister passed away when I was a little girl, and I used to completely wrap myself up in her quilt - physically and spiritually. I still have it to this day, although it is in tatters - I slept with it until I moved in with my husband. I understand how something as tangible as that can be so comforting. It is almost as if you are right there with them. Almost.
Posted by: Meg | February 15, 2008 at 00:29
what a heartbreaking (and heartwarming!) post. i'm so glad that you have that lovely blanket to curl up with. as for max, i found this thread about 10/11 month old naps to be very helpful. it's a long transition but perhaps you can adjust some things and keep him on two for a little while longer.
http://www.babywhisperer.com/smf/index.php?topic=95670.0
Posted by: gleek | February 15, 2008 at 01:55
It sounds as if your mom was a wonderful, loving woman, Aimee. You are so very lucky to have had her...
Posted by: jchapel | February 15, 2008 at 06:04
Darn I wasn't the first...I went to bed too early. I have been wanting to link you to a post that Ivory wrote over at Trivial Pursuit. I thought of you when I read it and maybe the book(s) she mentions might interest you.
You are so wise to go with the flow of your emotions...and Max's too. http://thetrivialpursuitofhappiness.wordpress.com/2008/02/08/written-in-haste-so-that-i-get-it-down-before-the-moment-passes/
Posted by: Sarah WG | February 15, 2008 at 08:45
I can totally relate to your loss. I too lost my mom when I was young, and it is hardest when you become a mom yourself and need that motherly adivce.
I do the same thinking of conversations and moments, wishing I could have them back and the thoughts bring me such saddness. It's been almost 18 years. Time has never made it easier.
You are lucky to have a physical item that she made. My mom was never a knitter. I wish she was.
Posted by: Mary-Ellen | February 15, 2008 at 16:32
mt heart goes out to you, amy. i know those days that it all feels so hard. seeing that beautiful blanket with its presence and detail, well, it makes me feel it even more. stay warm and safe in your mother's love.
Posted by: mamie | February 15, 2008 at 18:19
Hugs....
Mary Anne
Posted by: Mary Anne | February 16, 2008 at 15:14
What a beautiful way to rememeber her. I'm sure that she would have it no other way, but to wrap her arms around you and keep you warm and safe.
Posted by: lucy | February 17, 2008 at 08:26