How to juggle it all?

I work everyday of the week now. Just like I did when I was a stay at home mom with Max. Granted the work I do now is very much different than mothering and nurturing Max everyday.  Harder? I wouldn't say so. Different. Yes, indeed. 

Now I guess I am considered a full time working mom. I work six days a week and have one day (Thursdays) off  from the café.  Max goes to the baby sitters 4 days a week and we spend Thursdays together.  I find that even though I am not physically working in the café, I am still doing café work at home (planning, sewing, calling suppliers, running errands etc..) on my day off and on top of that taking care of Max. 

I need to learn to juggle. Toute de suite!

Right now the apartment is a huge disaster area. The kitchen is a mess. The hall way is a mess. Our bedroom is a mess. Laundry piled all over the place.  I have no idea where to start.  Thursdays is also my day to clean as well.

So, let's see here... on Thursdays:

- Max.
- I get things done for the café that I can't get done every other day of the week.
- I need to clean the apartment.
- Figure out dinner situation for the rest of the coming week.
- Run family errands.

What would I like to do on Thursdays? I guess all of the above and try to find some time to relax.  Right now I am battling a wicked sinus infection and what I really NEED to do it sleep but I can not because of well that list of things up above which looms in my mind.

How do you juggle it all?  Sure, I can let things go like cleaning the apt but after a while it has to be done.  And yes, we can eat take out for dinner but we can't do that every night. Remember Le Muffin Maximus... I'm still trying to tame the beast.

Sigh.

Max isn't having it with the nap today. So, my chance of taking a quick one probably won't happen either.
Give me some time and maybe I'll figure it out but for now... I'm completely lost on how you full time working moms do it. Could you share your secrets with this newbie mama, please?

Comments

[Ceylon Sapphire]

These comments come from a Mummah who used to own her own business in Ottawa, but Im thinking that you must carve out 30 minutes or so in your cafe day in which to do the ringing around / ordering / etc. There must be a quiet time in the early part of the day, or maybe at the end of the day when chores like this can be done and the rest of the staff can wing it a little. If you allow cafe work to creep into the very precious time at home you are going to wear yourself out and end up in a heap within six months - and very resentful of work being ever present.

As for housework... prioritise. Clean undies and shirt? Vital. Perfectly fluffed cushions on the sofa? Forget. Get into the habit of putting a load of laundry on late at night and flipping it into the dryer before you crawl into bed. Find some great stew recipes and make double batches so you only have to cook half the time. Clean the shower when your in it, buy clothes that dont need ironing (what is that strange object in the back of the closet?) and dont sweat the small stuff.

You have only just started this whole working mother stuff. Its going to take time to find your feet, so just relax and know that the dirty floor will still be dirty tomorrow, but Max is going to cherish the time with his mommy but be with the sitter tomorrow, so enjoy him and wait. Time will help you figure out how to be SuperMommy!

[shira]

I'm just a lowly college student, so I can't give you any mom advice, but I wanted to tell you that I visited the café yesterday and found it to be quite lovely. I'll definitely be back with friends. Congratulations! You seem to be doing a wonderful job.

[materfamilias]

Any chance at all you could wring another half-day off at the cafe, even once every two weeks, even once a month? -- take that time without Max to do catch-up at home (you'll feel guilty not spending the time with him, but it will make the time you do have with him that much better). I truly believe that some time just for yourself is imperative so that you can have something to give back to your family.

[gleek]

i agree with ceylon. maybe set aside 30 to 60 minutes a couple of mornings a week at the cafe to getting some things done there. in a week or so, the staff will know you well enough to handle things without you for a short time and you can telephone or even bring some of your sewing with you and hand sew or pin things while it's quiet.

don't forget that all weeks will not be like this one. you had a huge administrative day recently which takes time away from the necessities, and you're sick. i think that it'll get easier! take the time to get better and conquer the other stuff later.

[Margaret]

I'm not a working mom, but I'm self-employed small businesswoman and nothing gets done in my household unless I do it or delegate. I agree--prioritizing is key. Identify what to take off your plate entirely and figure out who can assist you with the stuff that's left. It will take time to get your life running more smoothy, and things will evolve, so don't be impatient with yourself. You've begun a yet another remarkable adventure--on top of deciding to make a life a foreign country and start a family. Most important: take .... care .... of .... yourself!! If you're sick, zipola gets done.

[stefanie]

Two words: cleaning lady. The going rate in Paris is 10€ an hour. For an apartment your size, you probably need 3 hours a week, she can wash the floors, vaccum, fold clothes, clean dishes etc. Just think, 30€ is one less take out meal per week and it will save you time so you'll be able to make dinner at home. It is the best service that working people can treat themselves to. Honestly. At first I thought it was a little ridiculous myself to have a cleaning lady - after all, we are able bodied and young but frankly, do you want to spend your precious free time cleaning the toilet or playing with your son? If you're interested, I can ask my cleaning lady if she knows of anyone looking for some extra hours...

[Jiwon]

I agree with lots of other comments here, especially trying to do cafe stuff at the cafe. My father was a business owner too, and he never brought any work home ever. He kept all his files at the business and did everything there. In fact, he did home paperwork at the office too.

I am a neat freak and not having the time to clean while working and juggling kids really bothered me. Here are a couple other tips that worked for me:

Cook larger batches of freezeable meals and freeze them into portion sizes that can quickly be reheated in the microwave. This has worked great for me even before having kids. I would just devote a couple hours during the weekend to freeze meals for the week. Or anytime you cook, just make more and do the same. It beats ordering in because it's healthier and cheaper. And always do the dishes right away, it's easier to quickly do a few than to do a pile all in one shot.

Little bits of speed cleaning each day. I will quickly clean the bathroom before I hop into the shower, or speed fold the laundry right before going to bed. I used to be incredibly lazy with laundry or vacuuming, but I've pushed myself to at least do bits and pieces here and there, instead of one long laborous cleaning of everything.

If it can be afforded, consider hiring a cleaner who comes maybe only once a month to do a deep cleaning of everything. That way you're sure that everything wil be cleaned at some point in the near future.

Let go of some activities that are not as important to you and take up time. I used to always keep a list of things I wanted to try out, read, make, etc. It always stressed me out to see this list not get done, so I've stopped. Now, when I see I've got some time, I just ask myself "what do I want to do most right now, that can be done now?". And I just do right then and there.

I think it's just a matter of time before you will learn to systemize everything in a way that works for you and your routine. You've only just started working, give it some time, and you'll figure it out.

For now you should rest up and get better!

Good luck!

[kim]

Get used to a dirty messy house, it's not so bad...a child and business far outweighs the cobwebs and dust:)

I'm reading everyday, i'm so happy for you...i'm not sure if i have ever commented on this before, but our lives are very parallel in some small ways:) that, and julian and thomas remind me alot of eachother...i was watching the vimo videos and the weedy one and the someone has gas one, reminded me of thomas:)

the cafe looks great! I imagine max when he is older helping out:) my kids are always here to help after school and my clients love it, the boys have also gotten to know my clients, it's really nice!

all the best, and someday we will visit your cafe:) that is my current dream:)

[aloha no]

I have yet to juggle motherhood and work, however I did have an at-home business for several years, and even with no baby, it was a struggle to find balance and "me" time. . .I can't imagine how hard it is with a little one.

Some great advice here, especially the quiet hour each working day to do cafe paper/phone work so you can devote your thursdays doing what you want (and need) to do.

I wish I were there, I'd help you with your laundry (Lord knows I let my own pile up for days and days - might as well be doing SOMEONES :-)

Be gentle with yourself(((hugs)))

[Kate]

It is hard - I work 5 days a week, and V spends those days with a nanny, at her home. It takes me 90 minutes from the time I leave my home in the morning until I arrive at work after dropping him off, and another 90 minutes in the afternoon. By the time we get home and free the dog into the yard, it's usually 6pm, and V needs to eat. By the time that's done, it's close to 7 and he needs to get ready for bed. By the time he's clean and in PJs and I've nursed him and put him to bed, it's after 8pm - and then I get up again the next morning at 6.

I've learned to let most things slide until the weekends - dishes is about the only chore I can handle during the week. I hired a cleaning lady to come every three weeks, b/c I just can't keep up with the house w/ a baby and a shedding dog. I can't really afford it, but it's money I find each month b/c it's too important to me. My husband helps, but he works full-time, too.

Sometimes I think we're not doing right by V with all the time spent working and getting to and from, but he seems happy and rested, and we treasure our weekends. We squeeze in swim class and time with his Teta (grandmother). I've had to learn not to get too stressed out about what I'm NOT doing or getting done.

Just take it easy on yourself. You've just made a huge change to your life, and it's going to take a while to find your stride. Much like when you became a mama and your world (probably) turned on its head. I know that's how it felt for me. Eventually though, you find your way and can keep all those juggling balls in the air - or, not all the balls stay in the air, but you learn not to let it worry you.

Hope this helps. Sending a hug to you.

[Bob]

I agree with Stefanie, at only €10 an hour, it would be well worth trading the money for a few extra hours for yourself. Also, if you trust your staff, and you must or you wouldn't have hired them, let them take care of serving the customers while you do the administrative tasks, which includes all the running around, ordering, etc., instead of taking the work home with you.

[yaiAnn]

It's really great that you've designated a day off for yourself, albeit not completely work free. But you get to spend time with Max which is most important. My parents ran their own business to which they gave themselves ZERO days off. So QT with the folks was few and far between. I definitely wish I had more of that growing up. No advice from me, cuz I'm not a mama yet. But, again, kudos to you for following your dream and giving yourself the QT to just be yourself and to be with your family!

[andie]

omg, hon, welcome to my life! And, I still don't know how you can do it because we still have the weekends off. I am so tired by the time I get home, I just let it all go.

I am not one to give advice about this because we are living our own apartment and laundry nightmare over here, but one thing I do try and do is to really try and prioritize things so that I get the one or two things that need to be done and then allow myself to do what I want to do the rest of the time. That means there are tons of things I don't get done, but at least I will have spent a little time doing something that isn't "work", whether that means taking a nap, reading, knitting, sewing. Sure, I don't always spend enough time doing those things either, but as you say, such is the life when we have kids and jobs. I think that's the hardest thing for me at least, is having to make sacrifices everywhere and even sacrificing sleep and energy to get everything done and take care of the kids. Sometimes, I'd like to take a nap and have time to read, but now we have to pick and choose. I keep hoping that someday, I'll have the energy to do everything and won't be so tired when I get home, someday....but that day hasn't come.

Hang in there. You are living your dream and you will see through this and find your own pace. It may take awhile, but you will do it. Think about when you had Max, you had to find a new routine and it took a few months, but you did it. You'll do this too...

[phillippa]

i agree that what you need is a cleaning lady. my sis-in-law works some insane hours - longer actually, since they're open til 10 for dinner - both at home and at the restaurant. she takes time when she can get it and has a cleaner come in weekly. i think it comes with the territory of owning a business - a resto type, at that. so you literally have to take that time back for yourself, even if it's paying someone to do some of that work for you. stefanie is right...you can easily take the 30 out of one take out dinner....

And a crockpot?

[Ramona Chesley]

People used to ask me what it was like owning a restaurant and I used to tell them it was like having another child. Even on your day off you are constantly thiking about it and doing things for it. In the first year especially, it's really hard to find down time and to find time just to live life outside of the restaurant. It does get better and you will find ways to make things work. Good Luck!

[Jennifer]

I've been doing this for two years and am still trying to figure it out! When I run out of time I blame it on blogging (and reading blogs). "If only I didn't spend so much time playing on the computer ..."

[Desiree]

I make lists. With delicious little check marks when things get done.

Also, I have a system for cleaning my house that doesn't get overwhelming- I clean one room a day. Mondays are the kitchen, Tuesdays are my day off, Wednesdays are the bathrooms, Thursdays are the bedrooms, Fridays are the family rooms, and Saturdays are miscellaneous chores and laundry.

Usually, I can spend 15-30 minutes a day on cleaning. Also, my husband cleans up after supper, and we have people over regularly. Nothings better than a panic clean!

Good luck!

[nicole]

I am about to get organised too (I hope) and taking inspiration from a friend. She does a fortnightly meal planner. She's been doing this for a couple of years and now has a collection of meal planners for the four seasons. She rotates them and adds new recipes that she's been wanting to try for variety. She buys food for the fortnight and then on her day off she cooks meals for the next two weeks (when she does a cook up they get takeaway that night). On the days she works they have one of her frozen meals. On the days she doesn't work they have really simple, quick and delicious meals - simple and quick so she can spend more time with her kids. She has put together a portfolio of recipes - these recipes meet all her criteria - ie: meals you can freeze, quick meals, meals that can also be used and loved by little people!!! She knows some people who plan for a month at a time - but depends on how much freezer space you have. Maybe working 6 days a week a friend may also be interested in meal planning and you could share some meals - that way you wouldn't be cooking too many different types of meals and have more time with your little boy. Or you could even swap some meal planners with friends. Oh sorry and she also has a grocery list now ready on hand to accompany each fortnightly meal planner. Maybe you could take some extra time away from work every couple of weeks to cook up a storm so that doesn't break into your Thursday.

Right now I'm trying to get into the habit of not putting something down but putting it away. Which is fine - but not when you are sick! You need to get 100% better first.

PS: You're amazing - you haven't been well; really busy; going through a new and big transition and you still keep up to date with the most interesting and entertaining blogs. Congratulations and hope you are feeling much better soon!

[sharon]

Working Moms of the World Unite!! It is not easy and I completely agree with many of the comments made previously by all your other supporters. Especially the Cleaner part. I am allergic to dust so I have to live in a clean house, but I am also a busy mom who mostly works outside the home.

For myself, I find the "ME-alone" time is always the first to go, so I make SURE I get to the gym at least once a week to sort my head out. Funnily enough, since I use that time swimming or on the walking machine to prioritize think about the long "to do list" for the week; MORE stuff gets done when I go to the gym than if I did not.... Try it on the Max Muffin and it might make you feeling good and looking great (actually I think you already look great, but since you have your fitness goals ahead this might be a tip!) If you live in a relatively safe neighbourhood, then consider going out for a run at night when Max is sleeping at home with your husband. That can be pretty good "Me time" too.

If I ride a stationary bike, I also surf the internet on my blackberry and read your blog just for the sheer pleasure of it.

Hang in there. It does get better - eventually!!