Où suis-je?

This pregnancy has been completely different...

When I became pregnant with Max it was at a time in my life that I consider a huge turning point emotionally for me. I had just lost my mother to a heart attack a little over a year when Julien and I conceived Max and right before we conceived Max I suffered a miscarriage. The emotion roller coaster of loss for me was intense but I came out of it and soared into pregnancy and loved it. I was sick with Max but nothing I couldn't handle. In all honesty, a mother's brain does the mama good by forgetting things like being sick in the first months but thank goodness for blogs I can go back and re-read and compare. I was sick with Max but not nearly as sick as I am now with BB. 

I didn't work while I was pregnant with Max. I was in a transition period between jobs and had taken a small part time job tutoring a couple students in English to busy myself in the afternoons. As Julien puts it, I had time to pamper myself thus not noticing how sick I was. I don't remember it like that but I do agree that I had ample time to relax. So this time around I am now the owner of my own business working 65+ hours a week and I become pregnant. I did this for the first month of my pregnancy and then quickly learned that I had to stop. I hired someone to cut my hours in half and made myself slow down. Still working 35 hours a week is hard but I can do it and if I can't... well, I rest when I need to. 

One plus of working so much and running around on my feet all day is that now 4 months pregnant I haven't gained a pound! I can't hardly believe it! I had gained one kilo last month only to have lost this month. Thus I am hovering right at my pre-pregnancy weight. I can't tell you how stoked I am or how pleased my doctor was today when he announced my weight. I warned him it may not be the same when I get back from the US (with my plans to eat copious amounts of BBQ and Mexican) but he smiled and said that I could faites vous plaisir. But still... I am going to try to keep to this minimal weight gain this pregnancy and see what it gets me afterwards. I will soon have to return to my 65+ work weeks so I will need all the help I can get. 

So, difference so far...

- I've been way sicker!
- I've had zero weight gain (and I'm not complaining about this at all!)
- I've noticed that my stomach doesn't feel as substantial as it did when pregnant with Max.  Though it's popped out it feels different.  Example, I roll on my stomach and instead of feeling a mass in my lower belly, I feel a slight pressure but nothing that different. 
- I don't feel pretty. I know this may be vain of my but when I was pregnant with Max I felt like a million bucks. I felt like I actually glowed. I look back at photos of myself and I looked pretty great, I think. My hair was healthy. My skin was clear. This pregnancy I am constantly breaking out, my hair is oily and super dark and I look like hell warmed over

I did not want to get my hopes up that I could be having a girl because of all these signs. I mean every other person I know (2 friends and you know who you are, gals) had different pregnancies and I suspected pretty hard that they were having girls and it turned out they did. But this is me, the opposite always happens for me. I thought with my first pregnancy I was having a girl and I had a boy. I felt disappointed when I heard the news and I didn't want to feel like this again with this pregnancy. 

So, when my doctor asked me today if I wanted to find out the sex I couldn't resist and I said yes. He has his own personal sonogram machine in his office so we had a look. He checked the position of the baby and listened to the heart beat. And then the moment of truth... he threw up a shot of the baby right between the legs and even before he could say anything, I muttered "Le Choix du Roi"*. And he responded, "Exactement!"

I cried until Julien arrived and he then took all the credit like the proud papa he is. 

Bring on the pink. 

*Le Choix du Roi is an expression the French use to express that you have two children, one boy and one girl.