31 weeks
He makes it all better

Here we go again....

Yesterday I went to see my doctor for my monthly routine check up. I was anxious to go because I could tell that BB had grown a lot in the last month and I was worried.  Worried that I'd have to have another cesarean again. 

Well, it turns out that BB is big. Huge. Doctor measures her as of yesterday at 3.6 kilos. This is measuring her head, waist and length of her legs. She's actually measuring bigger than Maximilien. I am 33 weeks. We went back to his office and he used his computer to figure out the projections for a birth at full term which is 41 weeks and numbers were coming out to be 5.2kgs. That is 11.46lbs. Max was 4.945kgs at birth (10.9lbs). I need to carry this baby 4 more weeks. She still has a lot of developing to do. Cervix checked and it's closed and keepin' BB right where she needs to be. After talking to two doctors about this, I have resolved myself that I am going down the C-section route again. 

I am disappointed. I won't lie. I cried. I told my doctor my fears and why I didn't want the C-section again. He listened and told me that the baby isn't going to stop getting bigger between now and 4 weeks from now. She needs to stay in for another 4 weeks. In 4 weeks should could very well be bigger than Max and at that size and with my precedent cesarean scar the clinic will not induce. They will not induce because the medication they give causes stronger than normal contractions and with my previous scar from Max's birth it's too much of a risk. 

This doesn't really bother me much. I can actually understand this and agree that I don't want to take the risk of complications. What I am upset about is going through the recovery of a c-section again. I never wrote about it on my blog after Max's birth but I was pretty much a wreck after the c-section. And until today, so many things were kept from me as to why I was messed up. I got a nice phone call today from the anesthesiologist who will be administering the medication to me the day of BB's birth. Yesterday, we had a long and tearful conversation about how my first cesarean experience did not go well. I told him all the things that had happened to me right afterwards. He listened and jotted notes. He said he'd do his best that it didn't happen again. He presented me with three options for spinal block for cesarean which I had no idea existed. I chose the option that is most like an epidural where he will administer the medication to me in stages and up the dose as needed. For most cesareans you are administered one dose and usually numb from the mid chest down. With my cesarean with Max I was numb from my neck down, including my arms, which caused me to panic because I couldn't feel if I was breathing properly. To this day I am still traumatized by that feeling of dread and fear I felt. I felt like I was drowning and everyone was standing around watching me do it.  The anesthesiologist called me today to say that he pulled my file from my first birth to tell me that I was administered nearly TWO TIMES the normal dosage for a c-section! And that it made perfect sense to him why I was throwing up 24 hours after the operation, I had hives and itchiness that lasted 24 hours and that I was numb from the neck down. I wasn't able to hold Max for over an hour and half after he was born because I was a legume because of all the medication!  He said he usually administers less than the normal dosage and then adds more as he sees fit. He assured me that what I felt the first time around will not happen again.  

One of the main reasons why I had hoped for a natural birth with BB mainly because I didn't want to experience the hell I felt after Max's birth.  I wanted to be alert and able to hold my baby right away. I get tears in my eyes just thinking about how I was laying in bed completely numb and out of it looking at Max laying in the incubator next to me and all I wanted to do was hold him.

I feel confident in my OBGYN and I feel confident in this new anesthesiologist. I expressed how important it was for me to be aware of what was going on after BB's birth and both my doctors assure me that I will have this. 

So, the big day is December 1, 2009. 

Time to start working on my suitcase for the maternité....