The state of our union

I start my maternity leave tomorrow. And I have to say that I need it. This pregnancy has been very exhausting. Even though my life circumstances are different now, I'm working full time and have a toddler to chase after, physically this pregnancy has been much harder on me. The all day sickness I suffered the first three months lasted more like five months and then while traveling to the US I developed a blood clot in my upper extremity. A lot to deal with and all the while juggling being a mama, a wife, an entrepreneur, and trying not to get lost in it all. I welcome maternity leave tomorrow. I need it. 

We had our third trimester scan on Monday and BB is scanning in as big as Max at this time. Based on the length of her leg bones and the circumference of her head she's weight in at 2.1kgs (4.6 lbs) already. I found out that I tested negative for gestational diabetes which was a huge relief since I had a sinking feeling I had it. But not because of the medication I have to take everyday until the end of the pregnancy I must go in every 10 days for blood work to monitor my platelets level. Want to know the best way to cure your fear for needles, well there you have it. One thing that I am glad for is I haven't gained much weight this pregnancy. I think I've gained 6lbs the entire pregnancy which is a record for me. It also makes me worry that something is wrong because I know my body and I just don't do this. 

Something new that has occurred lately is this unnerving sense of doom I feel all the time which turns to utter complete stress for me. I keep feeling like something is going to happen to my business while I'm not there. A fire or we'll be burgled. I keep telling my husband that we need to change the car seat in my MIL's car for Max because I don't feel like it's safe enough for him and i have these dreams that he's in a car accident and something terrible happens. I am sure these feeling of unease are due to the pregnancy and stress of running my own business but I don't know what to do to really deal with them. Therapy? Well, that's what I use my blog for...

On to more cheery subjects, Maximilien is doing great these days. We've transitioned him to a full size twin bed and he loves it. Where as in his make shift toddler bed he looked so big in the full size bed he looks so small. But he's not a baby anymore. He's talking in complete sentences in French and in English. He jumping and climbing higher than Mama would like. He's affectionate and as obedient as a two year old can be. And he's very excited about the baby in Mama's bidon. Everyday he says, bonjour to his sister and calls her by her name (yes, we've found the perfect name!!). And he pays close attention to Mama's bidon so that I won't get too many bobos on it. I medicine I must take for the blood clot is an injection that I administer to my love handles and often they leave bruises. This worries Max and he checks everyday to make sure there aren't any new bobos on Mama's bidon. 

I am preparing myself for the arrival of BB and I know that I won't believe I'm having another baby until she's here. Every night I go and check on Max before going to bed and so the same thing I've done since the day he was born. I stroke his head and tell him that I love him. Kiss his hands and cheeks and smell his baby scent. Soon, I will have two...

Comments

[Sally]

First, Aimee, you need to check to see if your medication could be causing the feelings of anxiety you are having. Lots of meds have side effects that can cause anxiety, depression, feelings of despair (lucky me, I always have the side effects that the 10% are likely to suffer). Then, secondly you need to focus on the things that are more likely to happen. Beautiful, healthy new baby girl, all the things you want to do and make for her, but will be unable to because your tea shop will be so, so busy with customers, and oh my God, you will need to get a bigger apartment because you need more space. AND, a garden. With a swing set. And, maybe a dog. And you have to grow lots and lots of flowers and make some seriously, flouncy skirts for your daughter when she gets older so she can twirl around in them... Oh, and back to the tea shop, a cookbook with your recipes...

[thedreamersandme.blogspot.com]

I love you. You're amazing. I am so proud of how strong you are. You'll be fine--no worries on this side of the pond. :)

[Mary Anne]

hi honey...
I think the mood stuff is an Osbourn girl thing...trust me....I have it sometimes, in times of extreme stress and I know that Gaga did too...we just are great big emotional babies with active imaginations...add in hormones and stress and well, there you go. I panicked all the time while I was pg with Katy...Tom thought I was losing it...poor guy...the middle of the night wake up and fearfulness, overwhelming me. Yep, I think I have been there too...
hugs to you,
Love you!

Mary Anne

[mamie]

god, you have had quite a time of it. the cafe and the clot and just the act of having to be so many things each day, it is a lot and amazing how you do it...

the anxiety must be hard, but you had a huge scare with the u.s. hospitalization. when i was pregnant with the twins in pre-tern labor, i used daily meditation and a form of hypnosis to help me calm down and it worked so well for me...here is a link http://hypnobabies.com/store/view_sub.php?start=0&id=4&cid=4

i ony used the baby stay in and another calming one for visualizing a safe space for you and your whole family...it made a huge difference in how i felt pre-birth. maybe it can give you a little breathing room. hugs.

[Yixian]

Ok this is going to sound very random but this is probably my 2nd or 3rd time posting on your blog. I came across it sometime back in 2007 when I won a trip to Paris and was googling for food to eat/stuff to do. Your blog mentioned that yummy beef pho place. Happened to click around and saw your entries on Max and thought they were really sweet.. and before I knew it, it has been 2 whole years that I have been following your blog and watching Max grow!

It's just really amazing and my heart is filled with so much warmth when I see how much love and affection you have as a mother for your son.

And now, you have another!

Time really flies.

I sincerely hope that your pregnancy would be a smooth sailing one and your family will always be filled with lots of love and laughter! :D

Take care!

Yixian
Singapore

[yvette / overanalyzer]

hi aimee, you look beautiful, your family is beautiful, and everything's going to be fine :-) anxiety is the worst, but i find that literally *stopping* my brain from going there (even if you have to say "stop"!) helps.

all the best to you!

yvette

[Sue Blasland]

I hope your maternity leave will give you the rest and peace of mind you need. You are such a wonderful mommy! I love what you share with us, your readers.

Rest and enjoy this time with your beautiful little boy and your husband.

Best wishes,

Sue B.

[Alice]

Thinking of you, Aimee, and sending you warm thoughts and vibes... I'm sure all will go well, but I can totally relate to your feelings of anxiety! Emma's going through a tough phase herself these days, and at the same time, she can be so utterly adorable I always manage forgiving her everything! It's such a push-and-pull, mix of contradictory feelings sometimes! But one thing is for sure, the love we feel is SO strong.

Lots of love... Hope to be able to see you again in Paris one day soon! Enjoy your maternity leave, I hope you'll have some time to relax a bit and prepare for baby girl.

[Ilse]

Hi Aimee - been following your blog for a while now. Just happened upon it one day and I was hooked. Not only by your great pics, but to see your tea shop grow in leaps and bounds. And now a 2nd bub on the way!
During March 09 I had a fantastic reunion with 3 school friends in Paris - haven't seen each other for 30+ years. I just had to take my best frined to visit your shop. It was a rainy day and I was praying that the shop wouldn't be closed. Imagine my surprise and delight, to discover that your 'special' tea being advertised was from my home country - Rooibos tea. I was definitely meant to be in your shop on that day! Hope to be back some day.
Good luck with the baby and all the very best to you and your family.