Well, I got caught up in life and my camera was left at home. These days I can't carry much around with me because I'm carrying a 4kg+ baby in my belly. I've been caught up getting the tea house and my staff up to speed before I go off line and have my baby and will be absent for a week. It's still three weeks away but I gotta start now because that's just how I roll.
We had a huge turn out for knitting last night at the tea house. It was very exciting to see so many knitters in one place. My little tea house was busting at it's seams we barely had enough chairs for everyone. I went and helped out with the dishes and watched everyone knitting around me and it warmed my heart. I watched my dream happening right before my eyes. I silently thanked Omma for her help because I know without her watching over me I wouldn't have been able to do it alone.
With each turn in my life, I find myself looking up at the sky and thanking my mother for her guidance. I can't explain why I know she's right here with me I just know it. I feel it. I used to write that I would prefer that she be here physically. I think it's something that doesn't need to be said. Anyone who has lost a loved one would prefer that but this feeling of knowing that she is here with me spiritually is a powerful one. And it has helped me get through many difficult times in my life.
I remember when I was in the operating room having Max and that feeling of panic and dread came over me. I was panicking and speaking in English and no one in the operation room could understand me. I swear there was a moment when I heard my mother's voice saying to me in Korean that it was okay. over and over again. And right at that moment my doctor leaned over the partition and said to me in French, that it was ok and showed me my pink, chubby baby. Panic and dread faded away and I drifted off into unconsciousness.
Last night I couldn't sleep. I would close my eyes and have these mini dramas in my mind and be forced to wake up. Talking with my brother today he told me that last night he had slept terribly as well. It was 4 years ago today that my mother passed away. I hadn't been keeping track of the day but somehow my subconscious was. It is inevitable that I think about my mother at this time in my life. I'm about to give birth to my second child and taking that trip of becoming a mother to a newborn again. I think as mothers we inevitable think about our own moms. I remind myself that life is cyclical and that this is all part of my cycle of life. As hard as it is I have to keep on going. I feel her hand on my back guiding me along the way and I know it's going to be okay.
hugs to you and Billy..............
Mary Anne
Posted by: Mary Anne | November 12, 2009 at 21:37
i am sending love to you and the fam. I of all people know how special and amazing your mom Is. I remember when she knitted me a a shirt when i was a teenager, and how special that was....I know she is watching out for all of you and she is so proud of all her childrens accomplishments. I can't wait to visit your tea house,it sounds so amazing and cozy, what an amazing life you have.
love
B
Posted by: bevin | November 12, 2009 at 22:55
it is beautiful that you can feel her in ways...you have my thoughts and prayers as the time for bebe 2 comes.
Posted by: mamie | November 13, 2009 at 06:19
Holding you and William in my heart today.
Posted by: The Bold Soul | November 13, 2009 at 08:36
It's going to be MORE than okay!
xxx
Posted by: antipodeesse | November 13, 2009 at 10:04
Aimee, the one time we hung out, your mom called. You picked up and told her you'd call her back, ending the conversation with "I love you Mom" in Korean. You said it in such a loving, sincere way that I was touched. I'm so sorry that your Omma passed away, but I am sure that she lived her life knowing that she had a daughter that truly loved her. I am glad that you feel her spirit guiding you in difficult times and I hope it guides you until the day you both meet again. xx
Posted by: www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=665514738 | November 13, 2009 at 10:58
Karena - Thank you so much for reminding me of that. I had forgotten that moment completely until you reminded me. It just proves to me even more that she always knew when I needed to talk to her. Years ago when we met, I was so lonely in Paris and knew no one. She knew this and would call me often to talk to me and let me know she was thinking about me.
Again, thank you, thank you for reminding me of this moment.
Posted by: Aimee | November 13, 2009 at 11:09
I'm in tears. I am so grateful for those moments when I sit truly in the moment, knowing I am a mom to my Bean, doing what my mom did, good and bad, and that one day she will know everything I know now. . .feeling just as grateful (I hope!).
Posted by: deb | November 13, 2009 at 22:32