PutYourFlareOn

Getting a little taste....

I am babysitting my son's buddy, Max, today.  It's giving me a little taste of what it would be like to have two little beings to care for. I often dreamt while I was pregnant with Maximilien that I was going to have twins. I felt like I was so big that there had to be two babies in there.

Right now both babies are sleeping. It was amazingly easy to get them down. I put my Maximilien down first. I nursed him while Max Marcel played on the play gym. I then took Max and put him the pack 'n play in our living room while I prepared his bottle.  I was wondering how he's take a bottle from me, someone other than his Mama. But he did pretty well. So far no tears. I put Max Marcel down and off to sleep he went.

While I blog this I'm making their lunch: sweet potatoes and organic apple compote. I have time to blog and then fold laundry. 

I prepared myself for today by saying that if one baby cries or both cry it's going to be okay. My Max cries and it doesn't necessarily mean he's sad, he's just expressing himself and I have learned that. So, with this attitude that crying is ok and I don't need to stress myself over it it turns out that neither babies have cried today. But the day has just started, we'll see how the afternoon goes. :)

So, I am sitting here thinking... two babies? Hell yeah! I can do it!  A sweet smile sneaks across my face as baby fever rises in me but Julien and I have a plan. Like I mentioned before, there are some things in the works. So for now, I will just enjoy having both babies in my presence.

Let's add solids to the routine, shall we?

We are full force into baby food in our house. It took a little while for Max to get used to the textures but now he's excited to try new things. Like a baby bird with his mouth open, he sits and waits until I spoon in the next bite. Since we've started solids as a dinner time thing, the evening extra bottle of breast milk has gone away.  Our new evening ritual is to strip down to his diaper for dinner, he gets one veggie and half a fruit helping. I let him explore feeding himself. More times the food ends up in his hair or on me but he is learning and getting better at putting the spoon in his mouth. Then it is bath time, a book and finally he nurses before bed. Before we started solids it was pretty much the same routine except he'd nurse before bath and then get a bottle before bed. Usually after he'd finish off his bottle, he'd cry out for more.  I'd let him top himself off on the breast and then he'd be ready for bed.  Now he seems much more satisfied and zen before bed. I like that. :)

This week we started gouter. Or as the French call afternoon snack time. Traditionally this around 4-5pm, kids will have an after school snack of tartines of nutella, a fruit and a bowl of milk or juice.  Of course, we'd like to stick to the tradition of nutella and baguette that my husband grew up with. But it's a little too early for Max to try nutella. Though Max is all about the baguette! So  for now we are going to stick with fruit purée.  This week we had banana and prunes. Also, gouter is my way of transitioning through the late afternoon nap (or nap #3) for Max.  I can see that it is starting to phase out already!  Soon, I'd like to have gouter while we are on our afternoon walks.  Maybe I'll start a gouter group where we can meet up with other kids and have gouter in a park in Paris.      

This weekend I am visiting a friend and am hoping to get inspired on new "dishes" I can make for Max.  I've had a few hits but mostly misses making my own food for Max. But I'm inexperienced and am still learning.  For now, Max has been eating organic baby food I found at my local bio marché.  I've also started getting an organic basket of fruits and vegetables from Le Campanier every week in an effort for Julien and I to eat better. I know I that will give me ideas for new purées to try out on Max.

Mama's milk is still his main source of nutrition. And I can tell he prefers that over everything else. I don't blame him! :)

Veggies Max loves:

Carrots
Broccoli
Pumpkin (Potiron)

Fruits:

Nectarines
Peaches
Banana
Prunes

On our to try list:

Tofu (in cubes)
Zucchini (again)
Sweet potatoes

What foods have you been feeing your babies or fed your babies in the past? When did you start giving them actual bits to try to eat? I ask this because I can tell that Max is more interested in feeding himself then being fed by Mama.

Back in those jeans but...

I have what they call a muffin top. The mama muffin top.

Legs look good.
Butt looks good.
Pants close like they are supposed to.

But....

the soft spillage over the top, I don't think I can do anything about it.

And I'm okay with that.

Mama gets to indulge her sweet tooth

I'm not one to go to fancy restaurants unless I'm being invited for a special occasion. I prefer my local haunts in the 13th where it feels like I'm eating dinner in someone's home rather then being presented a piece of art that is food. But funny as I avoid fancy restaurants I found myself this week in the midst of decadence and utter "French-ness". My father-in-law was in town for business and wanted to take my husband, Max and I out for drinks near where he'd be having his business dinner.  He said let's meet at La Durée near La Madeleine.  I had vaguely heard of La Durée but I knew that the neighborhood of La Madeleine was chic. Last year for work I had to go there once a week and would walk by the designer shops and admire the season's fashions and look at the L'Eglise La Madeleine and tell myself that I needed to go in someday and visit.

Well, La Durée was a lovely experience. Not a restaurant but more of  a pastry shop full of history literally down to the building where the shop is located. They are famous for their macaroons.   Max entertained the server by trying to eat the marble topped tables. She acted like it was cute but I sense she was a bit outré at the sight of a child drooling all over the place. As I tried to keep Max under control I kept getting these looks from other women in the shop. Perhaps we were disturbing them? Max was babbling away very loudly. Maybe French mamas don't bring their kids to places like this. I looked over at my father in law and he took Max from me and played with him loudly. It didn't matter to him that Max was being loud, so I quickly forgot about those women looking at me. Instead I enjoyed my cocktail de fruits pressée and dove into the lovely plate of macaroons my father-in-law had ordered Julien and I. 

Definitely felt like I was in a "so French" moment. Even my father in law admitted that it wasn't a regular place he would visit when he came to Paris but every once in a while having something decadent is fun.

Utter cuteness

I'm sitting here reading morning emails, my son is waking up quietly in his bed. He rolls over and starts talking to himself. I peek in to see what he's doing. He's having a conversation with the animals that hang from his leaf canopy. I surf Flickr for a few minutes and then I hear silence. I peek in again and find him rolled over on his stomach and he's asleep! 

So adorable it makes my heart swell.

Now, if he could do this at 3am that would be awesome. :)

I forsee sleep in the near future.

<
Mmmm, carrots are good.

We're trying a new nightly routine for Max. After his late afternoon nap, we load up in the stroller for a walk and I run my errands like grocery shopping and pharmacy runs and we stroll in the park near our house and watch the kids play basketball and ping pong. We come home and we strip down naked for dinner (max does anyways) with one solid and mama's milk, a bath, a book and the boob. Also, we've pushed bedtime from 6:30pm to 8pm.  This give him a longer awake period before bed and Julien gets a chance to put Max down.  Before with Max's early bedtime Julien could go the entire day without seeing Max at all.

Tonight, he went down like a charm at 8pm and has not stirred once. As I write this entry it's 11:05pm.

Still working out Max's nap schedule, all this week he's woken up at 7am and gone down consistently at 9am for a nap. This is even true on the nights when he wakes up 5 or 6 times. I am making an effort not to go to Max when he wakes up in the middle of the night unless he's been asleep for more than 6 hours. Then I will go and feed him.  I think what happened was when his bottom teeth came in he got used to nursing so much and now wakes up in search of that comfort even if he doesn't necessarily need it. We are shooting for one night feeding. Two maximum. 

I know that he is still teething, his top teeth are visible so I have pumped up the chamomilla vulgaris and have been giving him some at each diaper change.  He really loves sucking on the little granules.  I am absolutely enchanted with homeopathic remedies. And have started him on some jalapa in the evenings to help with his restlessness.   I'll write more on homeopathy later and share all the remedies we are using chez nous.

That's the sleep update for now.... I'm off to bed. Julien and I have been having a Guinness after he gets home from work. And for the last two days I have to say that I've slept very well.

Edit: The moment I clicked save on this entry, Max woke up. Crying. *sigh*

What we do when we're not sleeping...

I haven't posted a video in a while. Just haven't had time to think about getting the camera out until today. Here's a little clip of Maximilien and I playing on the floor in his room. He really loves the perspective. I often catch him laying on his back staring out the window. Today, we worked on his balance and I wanted to show him that it's okay to fall down.  He's getting braver everyday. He's started dive bombing everything with in his reach.  And he is still all about tasting the world around him.  I love how he looks over to me like he's saying, "Mama, watch this!" or "Look what I can do".  Everyday is a new adventure for us. Even though I lack sleep I somehow find the energy to do the mom thing.  Just looking at my son fills me with this energy I've never had before. 

Sitting up, getting stronger, being braver from PutYourFlareOn and Vimeo.

Aching

As I sit here and type this my body is aching from the lack of sleep. Maximilien is on a sleep strike. And last night he pulled his grandest coup ever, awake at midnight then 2am, 3am, 4am gave us a break at 5am and then up and ready to go at 6am.  It's 7:30am right now. He's been laying in his bed awake for nearly an hour now.

What is the deal?! 

He was sleeping 10-12 hours straight a night up until about two weeks ago.  Has our luck run out?  I can not wait until he can talk to tell me what is going on in his little world? Maybe it's the teeth but they are out. I obsessively check his mouth now to see if there are others making their way down but no dice just those two little ones on the bottom. Those two little dents de laits  that have changed things so drastically lately.

I thought I was done being that crazy sleep deprived zombie mama.

Just now, I stop to listen and I hear silence coming from Max's room. I rushed to check to make sure all was alright (I still do it, I don't think mama ever stop doing this, right?). The little booger finally fell asleep. Spread eagle, head wedged in the corner of his crib.

Sleep, baby. Sleep...

Teething + lack of sleep + sickness + guilt = bummed out mama

It's 11am. We just got up. That's pretty late for us. Maximilien usually wakes up at 8am ready to eat and play. He's had a tooth make an appearance this week and looking even closer there is a second one coming in! For 5 days now it's been late night feedings sometimes every two hours to calm him during this uncomfortable time.  Man, it reminds me of those first few weeks after getting home from clinic. Yes, I am that tired. My body isn't broken but I am so exhausted. It takes me forever to get to sleep and by the time I do fall off, Max is stirring again and in search of some mama comfort.

And on top of the fatigue, I'm sick. I don't know what I ate but it's made me sick and I spent the better half of the night in the bathroom instead of my bed sleeping. So, last night it was baby, pump, bathroom and a little bed time. And we're leaving for the Alps today for a mini vacation tonight. Not really a vacation for me because when am I never on? More so for Julien which he really needs and I'm glad to get away from Paris too. And every time we go to the mountains I feel better. Fresh air vs. pollution. No questions asked. This will be the first visit of many for Max. Just a bummer that the teeth decided to make an appearance this weekend.

So, we're going to the mountains... and I'm thinking cold weather, better dress warmly... this time last year I was pregnant and already not fitting into my regular clothes anymore. Well, I still don't fit into my pre-pregnant clothes. Granted I haven't been working too hard at dropping the pounds. In all honestly, I can't find the time during the day to exercise. And breast feeding leaves me hungry all the time so I haven't been eating any less. I am making excuses. It just bums me out.  Julien said something that kinda made me feel bad about how I could just wear my sweat pants and my polar fleece all weekend because I'm a mama. It's like he was saying I have an excuse to look like shit. I generally don't like to look like shit but I have my days where I made bed head my new hairstyle but the idea of wearing sweats and a polar fleece all weekend because I'm a mama made me feel bad. 

Sigh. Just another thing to add to my list of things to do.  Is it just me or has my to-do list gotten way longer since I became a mama.

And on top of all this I'm sick. Oh, yeah I mentioned that. I'm sorta out of it with the lack of sleep. All I feel like doing is laying in bed and sleeping and I can't. I have this little guy depending on me. He's sitting on the bed mashing chew toys into his face as type this. I look over at him and he reaches towards me (a new thing he's started), smiles and blows zerberts at me and I feel guilty for sitting here typing this entry. He's fine. He's playing with his toys. Why do I feel so bad?  Where is the balance?! Why can't I find the balance?  Why do I feel so guilty?

I'll be sans computer for 5 days. Which will be nice but I'm taking my journal with me and going to write down my thoughts the old school way. Maybe I can figure out why I'm so hard on myself.  I've never been so down on myself like this in my entire life. Wanting to have the best for Max is making me sacrifice everything else in my life. I know that this is not good. Must...find...the...balance.

I wish I could figure out how to blog and pump at the same time.

Yeah, lots of breast talk going on right now on my blog. Well, that pretty much is my main thought after Maximilien and my husband.  And this is my blog, so I can talk about whatever I want. :) It is so cool that so many of you are so willing to discuss. So here's a little ditty I've been dealing over the last week...

I've noticed  sudden change in my son's behavior before bed. Meaning that he cries hysterically and tries to eat his hands incessantly.  You guessed it, he's hungry.  I've been suspecting something going on with my breasts since we got back from the US early June.  My milk supply wasn't as abundant as it had been since Max's birth but I chalked that up to my body regulating itself and making the amount of milk that Max needed. But then something strange started happening, my left breast wasn't producing as much milk as my right. It became so obvious that my right breast was bigger than my left. Talk about weird when I'd look at myself in the mirror. I completely stopped having a let down on my left side. It's like my left breast went back to being itself like it was before I became pregnant.

So essentially since  July, Max has been living off one boob. :)

Weight issues came up at his three month check up. He gained nearly half of what he gained the month before. It was even less the next month and that was when we started having the poop issues. And this last month he only gained 380g when on average he should be gaining 500g a month, according to Max's pediatrician and what I read on Kelly Mom (great website, btw).  But he kept shooting up in height and that reassured me and the doctor that all was well. Max was happy and sleeping well up until about three days ago.

I've noticed when he nurses he pulls off almost every time and cries from frustration. I have to keep nudging him to take the breast again. Hoping that I'd have a let down to satisfy him. After two days of this I sent Julien out for formula last night because I wasn't going to have a starving baby and he needed sleep.

For the last two days I've breast fed him and given him 80cl of formula and it seems to be enough for him. He pulls off from the bottle happy and ready to go to bed.

But this worries me about my milk supply.  I've read the La Leche League website about low milk supply and it seems like they don't like to say that a mother has low milk supply unless it's the final straw. They talk about doing breast compressions (tried it), working on latch (done that), nursing more which is hard because when nothing comes out Max doesn't want to nurse so that doesn't work and pumping more.  So with the latter, I called my doctor and got a prescription for a hospital grade electric pump and it was delivered to my apartment today.  I'm going to go pump before bed tonight and then set my alarm and pump again in the middle of the night to see what I can get. 

I may sound a little desperate because I do feel a little bit desperate. And disappointed.  I don't understand what is happening to my body but I sense something has changed recently.  I know it's okay to let Max have formula but it goes against my plan to breast feed him because for me I feel like that is what is best for my baby. 

Even Max knows the difference. He sort of rejects the bottle of formula the first few times we try to give it to him but then he gives in.  Maybe it's my imagination but I believe he knows the difference. But it satisfies him enough at night for him to go to sleep and that's what is important right now.

So my play list of songs tonight include some Beatles, Frou Frou and a the woosh woosh from the breast pump. I'm off to make this work...

Any advice or experience with this that you'd like to share, I'd love to hear it. I'm still waiting for someone from the LLL to write me back. Kinda bummed that no one's written me back yet.

Also, has anyone given their 5 month old baby soy milk? Just curious...