PutYourFlareOn

Thursdays with Max

Today, we got up early and ended up having a mid morning nap and then headed to Ikea to pick up some things for the café. I was looking for a curtain for the door way of the café but ended up getting these great square mirrors for the wall by the bathroom. I can't wait to put those up tomorrow.  Picked up some pitchers for drinking water, broke one while unloading the car.  Found a cute little soap dispenser for the bathroom. And that's about it... Had Swedish meatballs for lunch as did Max. We had to keep him from shoving them in his mouth. His chipmunk cheeks sure do hold a lot of grub.

I am in the process of changing the tea cups we use today. But I have yet to find my style. I found a few pieces at Ikea that I liked but then I thought, "This is Ikea." and I remembered some of the bowls we have from Ikea at home and how easily they chip. So, I am looking into some nice-ish porcelain tea sets. Something that is durable and a bit more resistant to chipping that Ikea.

After we dropped off our shopping buddy, we headed to the café and dropped things off then straight home. Max was a good sport until I got the car parked and then it was screaming banshee time.  But we got home in the nick of time, kicked off our shoes and played on the floor in his bedroom. All was well.  We read books and laughed and threw the ball around.  Max is obsessed with balls these days. I layed on the floor watching Max collect the balls from his new toy as he's throw them again and again chasing after them. Endless entertainment.  I couldn't believe how big he looked. He'd see me laying on the floor watching him and he'd crawl over in turbo mode and plant a big wet kiss on my cheek. Cuddle with me and lay next to me for a few on the floor. And then off he'd go and play again...

I am grateful for this day in the week. As tired as I may feel right now the moments we share are priceless.  We played so hard today that after his bath, when he was freshly powdered and dressed he started to fall asleep in my arms. Sucking his thumb and snuggling in the nook of my neck. I can still smell his clean baby smell on my clothes and hands. I can already tell that memories of our Thursdays together will be of laughter and Baby Magic.

A new tooth popped out...

and I missed it....

The separation from Max is a lot harder than I realized it would be. I kept reminding myself that this would be so good for Max. Good for him to be around other children. A wonderful growing experience.  During his first week, the adaptation week, I cried everyday after I dropped him off. Only one day was it so bad that I broke down in front of Tata.  Now Max has been going to Tata's for two weeks and he seems to really love it. I feel a tinge of jealousy when I drop him off, seeing Tata scoop him up and give him a hug.  I am standing at the door watching someone else take care of my child.  This is the price I pay to pursue my dream.

Do I sound bitter? I feel a little bit bitter. Are these feelings I have normal? I have to think that they are. I just don't know how to deal with them just yet. I think that if I can get my Thursdays organized and prioritized, I can make the most of this day with Max perhaps this bitterness will go away. 

Last night, Max woke up crying and he only wanted his father.  I went to him first because  I hadn't seen him the entire day. When he saw me he cried even harder and moaned for "da da". Julien came and scooped him up and he stopped crying.  Is this his way of telling me he having a hard time adjusting? Two hours later, he finally let me hold him. I was on the brink of tears because I so desperately needed to hold my baby.  He collapsed into my arms and let me rock him while he sucked his thumb. Does he forgive me for leaving him during the day?

I am worn and ragged around the edges and I'm just starting this adventure. No one said it would be easy this dream of mine...Like I really asked around but this is my naive self talkin' here who didn't realize what it'd feel like to miss my son's new tooth. I guess I better prepare myself for other firsts I am bound to miss... but dang it, I hope that I catch a few on my days off with Max.

12 mois

Dear Maximilien,

Today, you are one years old. A year ago at this moment I sat in my hospital room looking at you sleeping in my arms feeling scared. Today, I feel comfortable in my new role and embrace it full everyday.  Last night after you went to bed, your father and I sat and talked about about how it's been a year already since you were born. We both couldn't believe how fast the 12 months had passed.  I can't explain to you the happiness that you've graced me with your existence, Max. It is so much bigger than anything I could ever dream of. 

 

 

The last few months you've really been showing off your personality. You are to me the happiest baby I know. You are always smiling even when you're sad. You are like your mother in that you change your mood at the drop of  a hat.  One moment you're happy the next, you are frustrated. Then you will be sad and then very zen. You'll make a face and then you will be affectionate.

 

Though you can not speak yet, your expressions speak loud and clear.  You can express yourself verbally. You say, "hello" and "ba ba" for goodbye. You say "door" when we are getting read to go out.  Of course, you say "Ma Ma" and "Da Da". And I think today you said "shooo" as I put on my converse today. You amaze me everyday. Just today, you did something you've never done before. We went to get you your first pair of shoes. You will be walking soon and your nanny has requested that you have proper walking shoes. She intends on getting you up and going on those two legs of yours. We went to the store and tried on two pairs of shoes.

   

The first pair didn't bother you at all. The second pair caused you to throw yourself down on the floor and kick and scream in a manner that I had never seen before. As I sat stunned on the couch I didn't know what to do? Either to get my camera and take a photo (it was almost comedic the way you were acting) or start worring.  But this just shows me that you have a strong personality, Max. And naturally, I am intrigued. Will this be a preview of your second year of life? I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

I type this letter with a slightly heavy heart. Starting April 1 you will spend 4 days a week with your nanny. I will go back to work. I am at the same time excited to start this new adventure in running my own cafe and scared to leave you.  I have so cherished this last year because it was our special time together.  But I feel in my heart that you are ready to go on your own adventure as well. When I see you around other children there is a light in your eyes that I don't see when we're home together. Sure, you are excited to see me after each nap and when we play you squeal with delight. But when you play with other kids I see you suddenly in a different light. I see you starting to stretch your independence. And I know that I must let you go a little...

So many adventures we've shared in the last year... this new year of life will be even more exciting.

Happy Birthday to my spring baby.

Love,
Mama

 

30 Days :: 29

:: Still a little red...

30 Days :: 28

Maximilien loves to busy himself right before bed. I foresee a child who will do anything to avoid bedtime. Even clean. He has a new obsession with the vacuum cleaner. Reminds me of my littlest brother, William who loved to help my mom vacuum.  Instead of making messes before bed, maybe he will clean up after himself before he goes to bed. Oh, a mother can dream, right?

30 Days :: 26

:: My boys being boys...

Firsts...

First word:

Max's first word: Hello from PutYourFlareOn on Vimeo.

Please excuse the poor video quality. But the audio works great and near the end you hear Max say "hewro", his baby version of Hello a couple times. At force of seeing his mom and dad on the phone all the time he's picked up the telephone habit already at 11 months old. When the front door rings, he puts his hand up to his ear and says "hewro". When we knock on his door after a nap, I open the door and see him standing in his bed with his hand by his hear and he says, "hewro". This child is already acclimated to the telephone! How long is too young to have your first telephone?

30 Days :: 23

After a long day of errands and a stroll in the Luxembourg Gardens, Max was fast asleep when we got home, I wheeled the stroller in our entry and he continued to snooze for another 20 minutes.

30 Days : 22

We do not have a bathtub in our apartment. I wish! We are still using the tub that Max used when he was a wee baby. We just fill it up to the top. He loves it. Every week we add more and more toys. The more toys the less chance there is he tries to stand up in the bathtub.

30 Days :: 21

We had errands that took us on the bus today. The buses in France have designated areas for strollers.  There is a little strapontin that folds out so that the handler of the stroller can have a seat too. I love sitting next to Maximilien and watching his face as he looks out the window.  His eyes aglow with wonderment. He also interacts with people on the bus now. Sometimes he reaches out and hold someone's hand who is standing close by or he will flirt with his little coquin smile. Today, he was in a very tranquil mood.