PutYourFlareOn

30 of 30 - The Belly

 

Well, there you have it! The Belly. I just measured it and it's at 49 inches. Two weeks before delivering Maximilien I was at 49 inches. So, perhaps BB will be a bit smaller than Max but still she's going to be a BIG girl. I'm packed and ready to go. I'm just sitting here busying myself until Julien and Max get home from the Creche. I'm going to spend a couple hours with Max and then have to go check into the maternité. I'm scheduled for a 7:45am operation. BB will be here before 8am Paris time Tuesday morning! 

The little elephant in the photo is Max's bébé elephant that he's been carrying around with for over a week now. We found him a big and little elephant that he's been calling Mommy elephant and bébé elephant. Lately, he has been into comparing everything as petit or gros. Especially Mommy's bidon (belly) and Max's bidon which is very svelthe and petit, he makes sure to point out to me every day. 

Max is about to become a Grand Frere to his Petite Soeur. Let the baby adventure begin....

29 of 30 - Perspective

 

Here I am taking a break while my belly digests a belated Thanksgiving meal. I'm grateful for all the friends I have made here in Paris. They have become my family away from home. Friends that share a lot of the same values as I do and people that I just have a lot of fun with! We joked about how this meal would be my "last supper" before BB's arrival. Technically I can eat lunch before I enter into the hospital but after the dinner I had tonight I highly doubt I will be hungry tomorrow at lunch time. In less than 24 hours I will be admitted into the hospital and will have to spend the night before being prepped for my AM operation. I can't believe we're almost there...

    

If you asked Maximilien where his "petite soeur" is? He will respond, "Mommy's ventre". I then I ask him who is "grand frere" and he points to himself and says very proudly, "moi!". I can't believe that my first born baby is going to be a grand frere very, very soon. He still lets me hold him like a baby and he still nuzzles my neck in search of butterfly kisses and calin from Mommy. Two more days until our little girl will be here. Last night I was up until 3am baking pumpkin pies and up at 8am this morning ready to go. Sleep is the last thing on my mind thought I know I should get some rest before the big day but I am too excited to sleep. I was playing the Mamarazzi tonight at the party taking photos of everyone. I felt like a million bucks. The adrenaline was flowing and I can still feel it now. So, I guess I'll put it to good use and go do a few loads of laundry before bed tonight. 

 Two more days!!

24 of 30 - Routine

 

Not until I had Max did my life have so much routine in it. Sure, I had a job before I became a mother and the routine that came with that. Metro, Boulot, Dodo. It was pretty boring and I'm glad I don't do that anymore. My routine as a Mama is much more fun. No more alarm clocks I have a walking and talking one that comes and wakes me up almost at the same time everyday. And when he doesn't, it's a nice break because it's he who sets my routine for the day not some man behind a desk. 

The last couple months I've been having a very hard time getting up in the mornings. Julien has taken over morning routine of feeding Max breakfast, changing his diaper and clothes and getting out the door all by 9 am. In the hour that they are up and having breakfast I slowly wake up and get out of bed to kiss my boys goodbye and wait to see them off from our 6th floor kitchen window. If you could hear Max, you'd would hear him yelling at the top of his lungs, "Goooooodbye, Mommy! I love you!!!" as he waves to me. I watch them walk around the corner and thus starts my day.

One key thing I learned about being a mother to newborn Maximilien was that he needed routine.  He always wanted to nap at the same time and eat at the same time.  And in turn I craved this routine too. And I find myself in these final days of pregnancy thinking about the routine that I will start again with BB and as crazy as this will sound to you I`m really looking forward to it. 

22 of 30 - Preparations

8 days to go. I've started my to-do lists for this last week before BB arrives. Breaking it down day by day of the week so that I can be sure to get it al done. And yes, there is another trip to Ikea programmed this week. 

I've been experiencing pretty strong contractions all last week especially when I find myself on my feet for more than 5 minutes. Walking has become a chore so I've assigned myself to bed rest pretty much this last week. Sitting and laying down as much as I can. My feet are swollen. By 30 weeks with Maximilien, my feet were already swollen and uncomfortable so I am happy to only have to experience this in the last week of my pregnancy. I went to get a pedicure yesterday and the esthetician amused herself by pressing her finger into the top of my foot and watching it leave a dent. She let me have a salt soak for my feet free of charge which was nice. 

I miss being able to be fully mobile. I want to play with Max and keep up with him and I can't. The fact that I don't have full use of my body and that it's been impossible to sleep is very frustrating and makes the end of this pregnancy very uncomfortable. 8 more days to go. 8 more days to go. 

20 of 30 days - My little helper

 

I can foresee that Max is going to be my big helper once BB arrives. Nearly every night for the last two weeks I've been baking in the last week or so he's shown interest in helping Mommy out. He pulls over his green Stokke chair and climbs up it like a ladder and asks what he can do "aide Mommy". His official job is to raise and lower the bowl to my mixer and he holds to it for dear life as it mixes and he alerts me when he thinks its done. I keep having these moments where I catch myself staring at Max and can't believe my eyes at how big he seems. His legs are so long. His face is looking less like a baby. How big his hands are. He articulates himself so well using new words everyday. It's impossible to grasp at all these moments but I'm trying my to do my best to get some of the good ones in photos in words.

19 of 30 - Knitterly things

 

Sweet Georgia's Silk Merino Lace in Ultraviolet. Now available at L'Oisivethé! 

I haven't written very much lately about the tea house here on my personal blog.  I maintain a blog for the tea house here. And use Twitter and Facebook to post updates of things happening at L'Oisivethé. But lately things have really been taking off for the tea house and it's a part of my everyday life so I should include it in my 30 days. As many of you know, I dreamed of opening my own knit café in Paris. The first year I had L'Oisivethé, I ran only the cafe portion of the business.  Trying to learn every aspect and reworking the work processes to my standards.  I took my time incorporating the knitting portion of the business. I did market research and contacted potential  yarn vendors in the United States and a year and half after I opened my business I received my first shipment of yarn, ShiBui Knits. And 6 months after that my next shipments which increased my yarn stock to include 3 more North American brands, Lorna's Laces, Dream in Color and Sweet Georgia and I'm looking to secure one more at the end of the year. It's a very exciting time at the tea house. Sometimes it's hard to process it all with the arrival of BB happening at the same time. 

After I learned to knit, I'd sit around and fantasize about how it would be so awesome to just sit around and knit for a living. I am not an awesome knitter. I would categorize myself as an intermediate knitter who likes to try new things. As much as I love the actual gesture of knitting I love the who culture surrounded by knitting. Someone said something so true at knitting last night, they mentioned that we may not all be friends in real life but because of knitting we have a common interest and because of this common interest we'll always have something to talk about. It's very true but at the same time, I feel like because of knitting I have had a chance to meet people that I wouldn't normally of had the chance to meet and because of that I have made a whole new array of friends that I enjoy spending quality time with. And all this through what I do for a living... I am very grateful for what I have. I thank my lucky stars everyday. 

One of the French speaking knitters last night announced jokingly, "Ca ya est! le tricot est à la mode! " according to some major fashion magazines who have declared this lately. We all had a nice little chuckle over that because many of us who have been knitting for years already knew this! 

18 of 30 - Comfort things

I refreshed Lady Eleanor yesterday. This is a shawl/scarf I knit a few years ago right after my mom passed away. It was a large knitting project that helped to get my mind off things. At the time I was unemployed and just needed to be. Every year, I reblock her so she's nice and fresh for the fall/winter season. She brings me a lot of comfort when I wear her. There is a lovely feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment that comes with wearing your own handmade designs. This is something I learned from my mom from an early age. She always wore her own scarves she made and in turn I loved wearing them too. For now, I have her scarves and handknit treasures packed away safely in an air tight container. Saving them for the day that I can share them with my kids, mostly BB because they are very girly. I hope that BB will love them as much as I do. 

17 of 30 - Waiting for BB

 

Things are starting to come together. Only 14 more days to go until she's here... The crib wasn't put together when Maximilien left for school today so we'll see what he thinks when he gets home.

*edit* - Max came home and we took him into the bedroom to show him the crib. Last night, he noticed that we had taken out our dresser and there was a big space in our bedroom. He was surprised and kept asking 2 year old style over and over again where the dresser went? Today, Julien built BB's crib and we set it up in our bedroom, we plan on sharing our room for the first year with BB and then transitioning her to Max's room. Tonight, when he went back to our room to see the crib he was immediately intrigued. He climbed up on the bottom railing to look inside and asked where the baby was? Then proceeded to go into his room and point out that Maximilien's bed was there and this new bed was for the baby. And that the baby that is in Mommy's belly will sleep in this bed. I don't know how else to prepare him for the arrival of his sister. Except to talk to him everyday and assure him that things won't change very much. I am worried about the time we'll have to spend apart when I go to have BB. Because of the N1H1 virus going around, there are no visitors under the age of 15 allowed in the maternity. I'm hoping there will be internet I can surf and maybe we can skype. I've never been away from Max more than 24 hours before. But we'll see... I'm grateful that Julien has a lot of time to dedicate to Max right now. I feel like we're doing a good job to prepare him. 

15 of 30 - Nesting

The nesting continues... all this knitting keeps my mind off the feeling that I'm going to pop any day now. I started the first sock over 2 years ago while visiting our friends in State College, PA. We were watching Ratatouille and making a nice evening of staying in and sipping wine and eating cheese. Just a pattern I made up as I went along. Top down, basic rib sock. Nothing too complicated. 

Last night while organizing my projects that need attention I found the first sock and decided to finish the second one. I am the worst at finishing the second sock but I did it while watching Grey's Anatomy last night and now BB will have nice warm toes. I suspect she'll be able to wear these for a while. Now to finish a pair of socks for myself to wear in the maternity...

14 of 30 - Change

There's going to be so much change coming into this little boy's life very soon. We're preparing as much as we can but as much as we wish we could plan it all out, I think we'll just have to take each day at a time. As we approach BB's birthday, Maximilien continues to grow and change everyday. He's such a chatter box. Speaking up phrases in French and English. Mixing the two languages to the delight of both of his parents. 

This morning we went and got Max his haircut at the salon across the street from the tea house.  This is Stephane, my coiffieur extraordinaire, cutting my big boy's hair. It's funny how after each haircut Max seems so grown up yet I still see my little baby in his face. I know that when BB arrives there will be a moment when it hits me that Max really is a big boy. But I still have a few weeks to hang on to these special moments together. Just us. Me and my first born baby.

9 of 30 - Self Portrait

 

While setting up the camera for a self portrait I took this shot accidently triggering the shutter while trying to set up the timer. Out of all the photos I took this one was the most natural. Pregnancy has brought out the freckles on my face.   

I feel like age is starting to catch up with me. I am 32 years old. Still very young. But I often stare at my eyes and see a wealth of experience in the depths. Experience that I have inherited because I share the same eyes as my mother.

After becoming a mother I notice that I instinctively react and do things and after the fact I often wonder how I knew how to do that. I must have seen my mother do it. I don't have any other explanation. Unknowingly as I grew up I was shaped by my own mother to become the mother I am today. 

Omma has been gone for 5 years now and I still feel the pain of her absence. I take enormous comfort in the fact that when I feel down I can hug my son and know that the love I feel in this moment is what she felt when she'd hug me. 

8 of 30 - Trousseau

I'm in full nesting mode. I have this urgent need to knit warm things for my winter baby. Hats, booties, blankets... I am building her trousseau of baby things. Wee knits that I will treasure later on when she's out grown them and they will join those of Max and be kept as family heirlooms. 

While I have the energy to stay up late at night to knit I don't have the energy to do the dishes or vacuum the apartment. I believe that the end of pregnancy gets us ready for the lack of sleep that is coming the first few months of your baby's life. I'm amazed sometimes how well I function on such little sleep. But then it catches up to me like today while I was trying to play with Max and all I could do was lay on the bed while he played around me. I know this uncomfortable time is coming to an end and before I know BB will be here. 

Three more weeks to go and I feel like time is standing still again. I am trying to take in the moments of each day and appreciate and be grateful for what I have. I am grateful that I can take maternity leave and devote time to the end of my pregnancy. 

Edit: I've finished the purple hat this morning: http://loisivethe.com/2009/11/09/norwegian-style-hat-for-baby/

7 of 30 - Grateful

I had another photo for today but decided at the last minute tonight to change it to just this snapshot. Julien brought home a gift that one of my blog readers had brought to me today to the tea house. She is Margaret from Michigan. Thank you, Margaret! I titled this photos grateful because her gesture makes me feel grateful for all the love that I have in my life today. From my family to my great friends here in Paris to my faithful blog readers I am surrounded with love that I am grateful for. 

In her note she thanked me for sharing my life, hopes and dreams with everyone. I started blogging to keep a journal for myself and never had the thought crossed my mind when I started blog did I think that I would inspire people or that anyone would find my life interesting. Now I keep this in blog in part to stay in touch with all the friends I've made all over the world through blogging. Be it through knitting, baking, being young parents or we share the same craze for shoes, I love all these friends I've made over the years. And in many ways we've connected and been there for each other when we've needed each other. 

And now that I have opened my tea house I have had the good fortune to have the opportunity to meet some of them on their travels through Paris. I must admit this is one of the major perks of my job. :) 

I'm sorry I missed you today at the tea house, Margaret. Thank you for the wonderful baby hat and the book. This is one of Max's favorites and his copy is very tattered and torn. It's the perfect size for him to carry in his bag to the Creche. 

6 of 30 - Little Tricks

My husband always has these little tricks up his sleeve. Is it a mini pumpkin? Looks like it. It's clementine season and we have our daily dose of clementine after dinner. Good way to get some good vitamin C into Max. Tonight, Julien started cutting his clementine with a knife while Max and I peeled ours with our hands. Intrigued, Max watched wondering what his father was doing. 

Apparently when Julien was young they didn't have easy access to pumpkins like we do today. His grandfather would make homemade jack-o-lanterns for the kids out of clementines. 

This reminds me of when Julien I started dating eight (!) years ago and another trick he played with a match and an invisible string. I was impressed then and I'm still impressed now. 

5 of 30 - Everyday Julien

You guys remember this guy, right? Here we are at Ikea. I think we've been to this place 4 times in one month. We're bad at making lists and always find that we need something else once we get home. There are several Ikeas that are not that far from our house so we can go pretty easily but it's not always easy for Julien and I to go together because Ikea stresses us out. I think it's the fact there's just too much stuff offered and we get overloaded. We used to fight all the time when we'd go but recently we've both decided it's not worth it and we go, get in and get out. And eat donuts and smoothies while we're there because they are mighty tasty. 

But looking at my husband in this photo fills my heart with love because this is my everyday husband. Not the one who gets up and shaves and puts on a suit to look like all the other business types in Paris. Sure, he looks hot when he does that but this is the Julien I prefer. Unshaven. Rough around the edges. My everyday man. 

I am hard on him and I know I haven't been a walk in the park this pregnancy because I haven't felt all that good but I look forward to moving forward once the baby is here and being a better wife. 

4 of 30 - The Fall before the baby

34 weeks in the only pair of shoes that fit me now. 

Walking home from the La Poste a lone tree in the Parc de Choisy caught my attention. It reminded me of home and how the trees between Olathe and Lawrence would turn yellow, red and orange and make the hillsides look like they were on fire from a distance. 

This is the last fall season before I have two children. I am still trying to get my head around that. We'll go from a family of three to a family of four. And this time next year, BB will be crawling and Max for sure will be jumping his way through the leaves on his way to school. 

3 of 30 - I love cookies

I think cookies are the perfect dessert. They are small and you can eat a few and not feel too guilty. I always feel guilty after eating a big piece of cake or a dessert drenched in crème anglaise. Though so good I don't full enjoy because later I'm thinking I shouldn't have sopped up all that crème anglaise. 

But then there's the cookie and its perfect companion the glass of milk. My favorite is lait frais by Candia. I drink at least 3 liters a week. Milk has been something I've craved this entire pregnancy. 

So, after going to the Casino tonight I decided I needed to bake a batch of cookies. I have been curious about using pumpkin in cookies since I love it so much in bread and cakes. I whipped up these pumpkin chocolate chip cookies tonight and they are light and airy cakey-cookie goodness. Coupled with a glass of milk and you've got one happy pregnant lady. 

I'm taking a batch to knitting tomorrow night to let the knitters have a taste. I feel like I should add more spice to the mix but I'll wait and see what everyone else thinks. 

A few photo notes. I shot this with my 50mm f/1.8 lens and my speedlight SB-600. I haven't used my speedlight very much because I'm sort of intimidated by it. But it seems that I don't think to pick up my camera until the evening and the sun sets in Paris now about 5pm! So, I charged up my batteries for the speedlight and walked about the apartment and shot away. I'm pleasantly surprised how well this photo came out. I tweeked the exposure a bit in ACR but that's about it. I'm no pro but I think I'll start toting the flash around with me and try to learn as I go. 

2 of 30 - Twice Daily

Since August 3rd, I've been giving myself twice daily injections of this little drug to prevent my body from developing blood clots. Something I developed while being pregnant and something that will go away once BB is born. I wrote about it back in August when it happened. I've given myself 186 injections and still have 84 more injections to go until I'm done. Yes, I keep track because it's not a walk in the park and now I can now see the end is near. 

1 of 30 - Slightly Obsessed

I love stripes. I dress myself in stripes. I dress my husband in stripes. I dress my children in stripes. I recommend stripes to my friends when we go shopping. 

I suppose you can say that I am slightly obsessed. 

This is just a small portion of BB's clothes I've bought in preparation of her arrival.  Stripes. Stripes. Stripes. I love it. 

I'm starting a new 30 day photos project to help occupy my mind this coming month before BB's arrival. My lists have lists of things to get done and why not throw a photo project in there as well. I know I need this to keep my mind sane and I will enjoy looking back at these photos after she's here. You may remember that I did a similar project when I was counting down the days to knowing if the tea house would be mine. Ever so often, I look back at those photos and am so grateful to have those memories. It was such a stressful time in my life but reminds me that I got through it and that I can do it again now. 

And for this occasion I've challenged myself to use only my 50mm lens. It's oldie but a goodie that I haven't used in ages. Will be good to exercise my brain on how to work outside it's fixed lens box. 

So, here's to counting down 30 days. Actually 31 days since she's scheduled to make her appearance on December 1st, 2009. But my slightly obsessional side needs me to start on the first of the month and not the second. 

Halloween in France

It really doesn't exist. Halloween is as my friend puts it "Good 'ole American fun" that the French really don't understand. Thought in the last few years I've seen more and more kids dressing up but have yet to have a trick or treater come to my door. I had big intentions this year to throw some kind of Halloween fete at the tea house but being at the end of of pregnancy my energy level has disappeared. Oh well, there's always next year... 

The Creche let us know that they would be doing some activities for Halloween this year and told us that dressing up for the occasion would be encouraged. I quickly made some tiger legs and tail for Max to go with his Tigger hoodie et voila! Tigrou!

His Tigger tail was a big hit with all the kids. They took turns pulling it. And seeing Maximilien dressed up the other kids wanted to dress up too. The Creche had a costume box that they use at Carnival every year so quickly after Max's arrival the room was full of pirates and gypsies. It was all very cute. 

Luckily, I have a small group of expat friends here in Paris and our kids are nearly the same age. So, Max was invited to his first ever halloween party yesterday afternoon. After having a yummy gouter, my friend, Libby, had arranged with her neighbors and friends for a small trick or treating adventure for the kids. Needless to say that Maximilien caught on quickly. Knock on door, growl and get candy. He loved it. 

Even though Halloween isn't a mainstream holiday here in France I'll always look forward to celebrating it with my kids. I have fond memories of carving pumpkins with my parents and anxiously waiting for our dad to get home from work so we could go out and trick or treat. Hauling home pillow cases full of candy and pigging out until our tummies hurt. My brother and I were talking about the homemade costumes we had growing up and it made me smile because I'm doing the same thing my mom and dad did for us. 

He makes it all better

 

As hard as it is to relive the minutes and hours after Maximilien's birth this little boy reminds me that it's all worth it.  I thought that if I didn't think about the experience it would just go away. And it did for a while I actually had forgotten but sitting in the doctor's office in the moment of dejavu finding out that BB was going to be a big girl all those emotions rushed back to me. But today for the first time in 2.5 years I actually feel okay about my birth experience. And I know I can type this and mean it because I am not  crying uncontrollably but instead I feel excitement for BB birth in 4 weeks time. 

I wonder in today's medical age of technology why it's so hard for us as women to get the birth that we want? There is a small part of me that wonders if I had decided to try to have Max naturally would it have gone alright? Would it have ended up in a cesarean anyways? I know women birth babies as big as Max naturally all the time. Heck, one of my readers did and I totally admire her for that! But I feel like when it was time to make the decision for Max I was slightly psyched out but all the technology and terms and medical jargon thrown at me that I was pretty much scared into choosing the cesarean. And now for BB, listening to the doctors explain to me the risks of induction with a baby so big and my uterus so stretched out and the scar and abnormally strong contractions and this and that... it makes my head spin and I just say, enough. Please, get me my baby and leave me the hell alone. 

Dozing in and out of consciousness this morning I wondered if I could change things with BB's birth. Part of me is like change doctors! get more opinions! But I like my doctor and I wouldn't change doctors for the world because I. trust. him. And then all of a sudden I feel tired. And in this moment as the fatigue washes over me, there is Max standing by my side of the bed waiting to give me my morning kiss and I am reminded that everything ends well. Here's my 2.5 year old who's in perfect health who is happy and excited about the imminent arrival of his petite soeur. And I realize that I have made my choice. And I am alright with it. 

31 weeks

31 weeks @ Ikea.

31 weeks. Finally. I felt like I was in the twenties for such a long time. The thirty something weeks are the home stretch. In France they calculate on a 41 weeks gestation period. Maximilien came at 38 weeks. I hope BB comes around the same time. 38 is good. Apparently I make a good home for my babies and when it was time for Max to come I wasn't anywhere near the stages of giving birth.  But this time around I am going to let nature take it's course and we'll see when BB decides to show her pretty face. I keep dreaming that she looks like Max just with a pink headband and a bow. Julien thinks she'll come out a brunette with dark eyes. I'm secretly hoping she's blond and blue eyes like her brother. 9 more weeks to go...

The state of our union

I start my maternity leave tomorrow. And I have to say that I need it. This pregnancy has been very exhausting. Even though my life circumstances are different now, I'm working full time and have a toddler to chase after, physically this pregnancy has been much harder on me. The all day sickness I suffered the first three months lasted more like five months and then while traveling to the US I developed a blood clot in my upper extremity. A lot to deal with and all the while juggling being a mama, a wife, an entrepreneur, and trying not to get lost in it all. I welcome maternity leave tomorrow. I need it. 

We had our third trimester scan on Monday and BB is scanning in as big as Max at this time. Based on the length of her leg bones and the circumference of her head she's weight in at 2.1kgs (4.6 lbs) already. I found out that I tested negative for gestational diabetes which was a huge relief since I had a sinking feeling I had it. But not because of the medication I have to take everyday until the end of the pregnancy I must go in every 10 days for blood work to monitor my platelets level. Want to know the best way to cure your fear for needles, well there you have it. One thing that I am glad for is I haven't gained much weight this pregnancy. I think I've gained 6lbs the entire pregnancy which is a record for me. It also makes me worry that something is wrong because I know my body and I just don't do this. 

Something new that has occurred lately is this unnerving sense of doom I feel all the time which turns to utter complete stress for me. I keep feeling like something is going to happen to my business while I'm not there. A fire or we'll be burgled. I keep telling my husband that we need to change the car seat in my MIL's car for Max because I don't feel like it's safe enough for him and i have these dreams that he's in a car accident and something terrible happens. I am sure these feeling of unease are due to the pregnancy and stress of running my own business but I don't know what to do to really deal with them. Therapy? Well, that's what I use my blog for...

On to more cheery subjects, Maximilien is doing great these days. We've transitioned him to a full size twin bed and he loves it. Where as in his make shift toddler bed he looked so big in the full size bed he looks so small. But he's not a baby anymore. He's talking in complete sentences in French and in English. He jumping and climbing higher than Mama would like. He's affectionate and as obedient as a two year old can be. And he's very excited about the baby in Mama's bidon. Everyday he says, bonjour to his sister and calls her by her name (yes, we've found the perfect name!!). And he pays close attention to Mama's bidon so that I won't get too many bobos on it. I medicine I must take for the blood clot is an injection that I administer to my love handles and often they leave bruises. This worries Max and he checks everyday to make sure there aren't any new bobos on Mama's bidon. 

I am preparing myself for the arrival of BB and I know that I won't believe I'm having another baby until she's here. Every night I go and check on Max before going to bed and so the same thing I've done since the day he was born. I stroke his head and tell him that I love him. Kiss his hands and cheeks and smell his baby scent. Soon, I will have two...

Snapshot: Monday morning breakfast

Yesterday morning I awoke like clockwork at 7:30 am. My internal Mama clock telling me it's time to get up, play with Max and have breakfast with him. Except that yesterday morning he was at his grandfather's house sleeping in. And there I was laying awake unable to sleep again.

This morning, I awoke to Max snuggling next to me sucking his thumb waiting for me to wake up. He's learned to be gentle waking up Mama and Daddy in the mornings. I can tell he's getting impatient and wants me to get up. He starts giving me kisses on my belly (really zerberts) and that says to me no-more-sleeping-mama!!!

We trek downstairs and have breakfast at the kitchen table. Sitting together slurping our milk from our cereal bowls I realize that I wouldn't change anything in my life right at this moment. 

As I type this blog entry, Max has fished out our old Lite Brite from the floor (whose light bulb has long burnt out) and has pulled out the pegs by color and announcing them to me as I type. In this moment he seems so big to me. As much as I wouldn't change this moment, time is sweeping our lives and changing us faster than we can see. 

Max's first haircut

When Maximilien was born he had very little hair. Not even eye brows! As he grew older we could always tell what age the photo was taken based on how long his hair was. Right around 18 months old his hair started to really grow and out came the cutest baby curls. 

Since we've been in the US it's been very hot and Max longer hair was slightly unmanageable and always in his eyes. So, while getting ice cream at Baskin Robbins we decided to pop over the hair salon next door and get his first hair cut. 

We went in with our baby boy with bouncing curls and out came our Maximilien, I'm-not-a-baby-big boy now.

  

Maybe it's a little foolish of me to regret cutting off his baby curls but I do hope they will come back again. 

2

Most definitely a two year old. 

20 weeks

I'm at 20 weeks in this pregnancy and finally things are starting to take a turn for the better. I've only thrown up once this week. That's pretty good. I'm starting to sleep better now that Maximilien has decided that sleeping in his own bed is cool. And summer pretty much passed us by here in Paris so that means I'm pretty comfortable physically with this pregnancy. BB is really moving around a lot especially right after I've eaten something. I just downed a huge glass of chocolate milk (haven't had a glass of this since I was like in 6th grade) and it was so good. Other than the urge to drink lots of milk and eat yogurt all the time I haven't had any other cravings. In all honesty, my appetite has been pretty non-existent so far. I pretty much tell myself to eat a little through out the day because I want to keep my energy up. Speaking of energy, mine is back. And that means I can actually work again. For a couple months there I'd drag myself to the tea house to do the morning preparations and back and by the time noon came around (starting around 9am) I was dead tired. But now I find myself working away the morning and still wanting to stick around the tea house and work with my employees. I've had to hire a full time people to replace me during the week because it was not possible for me to keep working 65 hours a week and get through my first trimester. 

Lately, I've been listening to a podcast called Pregtastic. And have found it very entertaining and informative. Today, I listened to an episode about VBAC after cesarean. I am hoping to go this route with this baby. My doctor supports me on this and honestly, I feel that this baby is going to be a different size than Maximilien. You remember that Max was 4.945 kgs (10.9lbs) at birth. And at all stages of my pregnancy with Max I was just HUGE. So, the decision to go with a cesarean was made. Of course my doctor presented me with my options (which did include a vaginal birth) but being inexperienced and sort of naive about having a baby I decided on the cesarean. I don't regret my decision because Max came out perfect and everything worked out fine but I do feel like I deprived myself of my womanly right to have a baby as nature intended me to and I really want to experience that. While on vacation in the US, I plan on stocking up on books to educate myself about VBAC and preparing myself for a different kind of birth for BB. 

I leave you with an interesting thing that happened to me recently. Shortly after getting pregnant again, I started to wear my maternity/nursing tank tops again. They are just so comfy and underwire bras are evil when your breasts are huge. I was wearing one in the presence of Max and the latch for the bra portion happened to unclip. It makes a distinct clicking sound. Upon hearing this sound, Maximilien looks at me and exclaims, "Lolo?!" Lolo was the code word I used while I nursed him for breast feeding. I'd ask him if he wanted to Lolo or if he wanted to drink from the Lolo. I didn't want to be heard in public saying "do you want the boob? or Do you want to drink breast feed?" It worked well for us. No one knew the better. Until a few months ago, I had assumed that Max had forgotten completely about the Lolos. But I was wrong. Upon hearing the sound of my nursing tank top clip open, he immediately knew what that sound meant. Makes you wonder how far back he remembers at his young age? 

And finally my latest belly shot:

20 weeks where I feel like I am more at 28 weeks. As of two weeks ago I hadn't gained any weight in this pregnancy but I feel that has changed now with all the chocolate milk and yogurt I've been eating lately. We'll see on Monday at my big 2nd echographie and get another good shot of our girl. 

 Here, Max is trying to drive his tractor on the baby just an older brother would do, right? 

Pregnancy productivity

or I should say creativity. 

Something about being pregnant and working on a knit project just is a perfect match. The process of making something that I will wrap my baby in when she's born brings enormous comfort to me. I hope this blanket will do the same for her.  

I recently learned how to crochet. And I mean in the most basic form that I can make a chain and then do one technique over and over again. Thanks to a sweet gal who attends TricoThé every week she has taught me her wisdom of crochet and I have started this baby blanket for BB.

It's very similar to the granny squares that most of us know. I mean I'm sure each of our grandmothers had some version of a blanket like this draped over their couch. I decided to use some lovely Rowan hand knit cotton in an array of bright colors. Something soft and colorful for this our baby who will be born in the middle of winter. I've been averaging about two hexagons an evening before bed and hopefully over summer break I will make some progress on the blanket.

Anyone looking for an easy patch work style blanket to do I highly recommend making a crochet blanket. It's an easy project to keep as an ongoing project while working on other things as well, like baby sweaters.

Blogging in the work place

No chance of me being dooced.... 

I have to admit...

that I am not enjoying this pregnancy very much. Besides being riddled with hellacious nausea the first three months, I haven't been able to sleep very well lately and my body just feels completely taken over. I keep reading and hearing from friends that this is what a pregnancy with a girl baby does but I guess I just didn't really expect things to go the way they have. I mean I can't help but compare everything to my first pregnancy. I think its normal that we do this and pretty hard for us to avoid considering everyone asks me on a daily basis how this pregnancy is going compared to first. 

I saw a friend today who I haven't in about 4 months or so. She had no idea I was pregnant and she asked me if I were sick because I didn't look very good. Nope, just pregnant. She shook her head and remarked that's why I looked like I've gained weight. Thanks, friend, for so nicely telling me that I looked fat. Funny though, I haven't gained a kilo since I started this pregnancy. But putting on a skirt that I wore pretty frequently while pregnant with Maximilien I noticed that my butt looked bigger as I pulled my black maternity tank down over the top of my bum. 

And the heat... oh man, the heat. It's currently 29°C (84°F) in the apt right now. We own one fan and it's blowing into our room where Max has decided he'd rather sleep these days. The heat isn't helping things. I do find myself lingering in the yogurt and cheese aisles at the grocery store but besides that none of my daily haunts have la clim so I will have to go out of my way to find places to cool off. I thought about the pool today but walking home after doing morning prep at the tea house and seeing the line go around the building and down the street pretty much turned me off from that idea. And then I remembered going to the pool with Max and the craziness that the French public pools could be. 

In a positive light, Max is completely obsessed with my belly and babies. He tells me everyday there's a baby in there. The assistants at the creche know that I am pregnant now and talk with him about it. They were excited to get out their collection of books about becoming a sibling and new babies in Maman's belly. Today, I went to pick him up from the crèche and I saw Max pushing around a baby in a pousette. One of the assistants told me that he had been telling all the other kids that this was his baby. He would hold the baby and then put it back in the stroller and sing songs to it. Talk about total explosion of my heart.

   

Compared to at 16 weeks with Max. No 18 weeks photo available. 

   

But standing in the mirror tonight in my favorite striped skirt and black tank I looked and felt like I was starting to look pregnant. I am definitely carrying this baby differently. With Max, I carried him out in the front  and with BB it's more of a fat tire thing going on with my whole mid-section. I can feel her kick and sometimes kicking in my back? Anyone else feel that? Maybe my placenta is placed in the front this time. I'll have to ask my doctor about that. But those little love taps make me happy and I quickly forget about how uncomfortable I am this time around. But still... I find myself counting the weeks until the finish line. I'm 18 weeks this week, indigestion and all. 

lolli?

His first and he loved it. 

.Us.

I sat and watched Maximilien built his train track and for the first time today he figured out how to make the track into a circle without asking Mama for help. I was so impressed to watch as he tried out different pieces, turning them so they would fit taking out long straight ones to replace them with curved ones so that his train could run its course. 

I snapped this shot of him right after he big accomplishment and inadvertently I caught my belly in the shot! As you can see our family is growing. As sad as I am that Max is growing out of his babyish ways I will have a new one this winter to fulfill those tiny shoes again. I can't wait. 

The post that I wrote in less than 5 minutes and did not proof... but hopefully you'll understand...

I've been sitting here for a while watching an old episode of Star Trek, you know the one where they are stuck in that time loop and keep experiencing the same day over and over again which ironically reflects what I've been feeling day in and day out for the past two months. So I show you this:

And just tonight I am pretty sure that I felt the baby move for the first time. I'm at 9 weeks, so it's possible.  I know it's a bit early to be announcing it to the whole Internet and all but I figure through the good and the bad it will be nice to be able to write about it openly.

Right now the bad? All day violent nausea. Where with Maximilien my daily barf average was around one or so... with this baby, I've had to tubs in each room and carry plastic bags with me in my handbag. Car trips have been put off completely. And laying down as much as I can a daily requirement.  Where as with Max greasy cheeseburgers from McDo were the trick. With this baby... nothing does the trick. So, for the past two months I've been continuously nauseous and hungry.

The good? We are over the moon to be going on this baby adventure again.

Differences do far? Working and being pregnant. I'll write more on this later... if you'll excuse me, I have a very pressing matter to attend to...

First Peep

Imported to us by my sister for Easter. He was intrigued. Bit off the face and then the ears. Left the body for Mama to eat. Video to come...

Happy Easter!

Breaking the seal...

of silence.

I know. I've been a bad, bad blogger. I feel it too. I miss my blog. I miss writing my thoughts down. I have so much to write and I promise to get to it all very, very soon.

The tea house is a year old now! I can't believe that I just typed that. To celebrate we have decided to close on Mondays. We said we'd done one year of being open seven days a week and our analysis of the year says that Monday is the day to close. 'Tis so very French of us too... =)

And in an effort to get out and walk to parts of Paris that I haven't walked to before or in a very long time I am starting a new category on my blog called "Where in Paris am I?". I will post a photo on my blog (hopefully once a week) of a place I am in Paris and have you my readers guess where I am?

For a bigger image click here. Good luck and I'll post a hint if you need it... :)

Consider the blogging silence broken...

Word storm

It's started...the word storm. Everyday Maximilien uses new words to express himself.  Instead of grunts and pointing we have words!!!  Each morning for the past couple months there's an explosion of words coming out of his mouth so fast that our morning-tired adult brains can't understand.  It's so exciting. I can tell that Max is excited because finally he can express to us what he really wants.  There have been so many new words that I can't keep track how many new words he's used in the last week. Today, he asked for a cookie with a perfectly pronounced "Mommy, Cookie, please?".

Up until recently Maximilien would make the sounds of the animals he wanted to talk to us about. Moo, Bââ, click his tongue (for the horse), Mêêê (Fench goat), coin coin (French duck) and just last week during our trip I'd hear him say, "regard! Sheeeeeeep, Mama!" or "hooooooorse" or "gooooooo" (for goat) or "oiseau" (bird)! I then I realize that my son will someday speak better French than his mother and I think, I'm alright with that.  At 23 months, he impresses me with how well he processes the two languages so easily.   Everyday, I look forward to hearing the new words he's learned and the new things he can do. At the créche he is called the puzzle master (and dou dou master) by the assistants. Even still at 23 months old, I feel the amazing grip that motherhood has on me and am loving every minute of it.

 

Off chasing seagulls...

We're back from our week of rest at the sea. A week full of eating plentiful plates of seafood and crepes. Late night knitting and sleeping in until 10am. Chasing seagulls and sloshing around in our beach boots all the while the sea air washing away the wear of the big city on us. Time away always makes me realize how much the city wears on me but being away too long makes me miss my beloved City of Lights. It's good to be back...

As upcoming projects are starting to unfold unravel... March will be a month of great things. A second birthday to celebrate, wedding anniversaries, family visits and a great new direction for the tea house.

Thursday Bedhead

My little dreamer...

Life is a bit busy right now for me and I have little time to even think or sleep let alone blog. I really want to but right now I leave you with this picture of Maximilien who is growing before my eyes into a little person who talks, runs and dreams. In a couple weeks, I am hoping that things will calm down a bit after our vacation to the sea. Yes, we are taking a much needed break from Paris to recharge and come back anew. Until then, I gaze at my son as he dreams and experiences life, all the while I live vicariously through him.

Knit, knit, knit...

I'm happy to have knitting back in my life again. For a while there I was juggling so much that I did not have time to eat or sleep let alone knit. But things are starting to settle down and I'm prioritizing my time better and back to the knitting needles I am.

For the past month, I have been showing a local artist's dou dous in the tea house. I had heard about her work from a friend in the neighborhood and had to have her show a little expo at the tea house. Her name is Eve and she runs Lili Grenadine, creations pour enfants. Hip, stylish handmade creations for your little ones.  Eve asked if I'd knit a few objects for her show and I was very happy to oblige. I pulled my friend, Irene, into it and we both turned out, in my opinion, some very cute creations for little girls.

I'm very excited to be showing these FOs at Eve's gallery show and I thank her immensely for the chance to do this. And who knows? Perhaps this could turn into something for the tea house. It's not like I have enough on my plate, right? But for now, I'm focusing on my Christmas knitting... and anxiously awaiting the arrival of my new needles!

A break from the norm...

I decided to close the tea house today to profit from the fact that Maximilien was home from the creche and Julien off from work because today is Armistice Day in France. And because I am the boss and I can do things like that. Still getting used to this concept but it's sinking in pretty easily. :)

We were treated to a nice morning of sleeping in until 8:30am (thank you, Maximilien!) and then lazily drank warm milk and read books in bed until about 9:15am when we decided we'd head out for breakfast at Breakfast in America. We met up with Julien's brother, Benjamin who is also Max's godfather for a lovely (and large) American style breakfast of pankcakes, eggs and bacon. Max almost put away one of BIA's HUGE pancakes all by himself. We found a nice park across the street from the diner and spend some time enjoying the crisp autumn weather.  I brought out my big camera in an effort to get away from using built in point and shoot in my cell phone. I am still having a hard time working out time for photos. I miss it terribly but I am working on getting back to it little by little.

Since the weather was so nice today I got some really lovely images of Max playing at the park with his father and two uncles. Julien surprised me by taking a really lovely shot of Max and I at the diner that I will cherish forever.

The rest of the photos from today can be found here.

Today, felt like the last days of fall... I wish I had taken some photos of the trees in the park. The lovely yellows, red and browns were so vibrant today. Well, it's just an excuse for me to get my camera out tomorrow for some more photos, right?

Today is the day...

You better believe that I am feeling nervous today. All day my customers have been asking me how I feel. Many of them stopping in just to ask how I am doing and if I voted?

Yes, I voted.

And I am not the only one with my fingers crossed. Even here in Paris, the Parisians are crossing their fingers for change for a country that is not their own. Yet another reason why I love the French... they are compassionate.

Seen today in the tea house:

Pascal, my Tuesday regular, reading up on the day's election news.

My mind is racing with the possibilities this election will bring my country. I haven't felt this nervous in a very long time. I am sure I'll be up most of the night tonight following what is going stateside via the net. My fingers are crossed for change.

Helping Hal-ah-boji blow out his birthday candles

Happy Birthday to you, Ah-ppa from Maximilien, Julien and I. We miss you!

Once upon a time I used to take photos...

Well, I'm back at it again...

In my quest to get back to some of the things I love...

First on the list, photography.

Spring is here!

With the arrival of Spring, the light in the tea house is amazing.... This is the round the table that sits in the grande vitrine at the entrance of the tea house.

A new tooth popped out...

and I missed it....

The separation from Max is a lot harder than I realized it would be. I kept reminding myself that this would be so good for Max. Good for him to be around other children. A wonderful growing experience.  During his first week, the adaptation week, I cried everyday after I dropped him off. Only one day was it so bad that I broke down in front of Tata.  Now Max has been going to Tata's for two weeks and he seems to really love it. I feel a tinge of jealousy when I drop him off, seeing Tata scoop him up and give him a hug.  I am standing at the door watching someone else take care of my child.  This is the price I pay to pursue my dream.

Do I sound bitter? I feel a little bit bitter. Are these feelings I have normal? I have to think that they are. I just don't know how to deal with them just yet. I think that if I can get my Thursdays organized and prioritized, I can make the most of this day with Max perhaps this bitterness will go away. 

Last night, Max woke up crying and he only wanted his father.  I went to him first because  I hadn't seen him the entire day. When he saw me he cried even harder and moaned for "da da". Julien came and scooped him up and he stopped crying.  Is this his way of telling me he having a hard time adjusting? Two hours later, he finally let me hold him. I was on the brink of tears because I so desperately needed to hold my baby.  He collapsed into my arms and let me rock him while he sucked his thumb. Does he forgive me for leaving him during the day?

I am worn and ragged around the edges and I'm just starting this adventure. No one said it would be easy this dream of mine...Like I really asked around but this is my naive self talkin' here who didn't realize what it'd feel like to miss my son's new tooth. I guess I better prepare myself for other firsts I am bound to miss... but dang it, I hope that I catch a few on my days off with Max.

Our life revolves around the café kitchen

12 mois

Dear Maximilien,

Today, you are one years old. A year ago at this moment I sat in my hospital room looking at you sleeping in my arms feeling scared. Today, I feel comfortable in my new role and embrace it full everyday.  Last night after you went to bed, your father and I sat and talked about about how it's been a year already since you were born. We both couldn't believe how fast the 12 months had passed.  I can't explain to you the happiness that you've graced me with your existence, Max. It is so much bigger than anything I could ever dream of. 

 

 

The last few months you've really been showing off your personality. You are to me the happiest baby I know. You are always smiling even when you're sad. You are like your mother in that you change your mood at the drop of  a hat.  One moment you're happy the next, you are frustrated. Then you will be sad and then very zen. You'll make a face and then you will be affectionate.

 

Though you can not speak yet, your expressions speak loud and clear.  You can express yourself verbally. You say, "hello" and "ba ba" for goodbye. You say "door" when we are getting read to go out.  Of course, you say "Ma Ma" and "Da Da". And I think today you said "shooo" as I put on my converse today. You amaze me everyday. Just today, you did something you've never done before. We went to get you your first pair of shoes. You will be walking soon and your nanny has requested that you have proper walking shoes. She intends on getting you up and going on those two legs of yours. We went to the store and tried on two pairs of shoes.

   

The first pair didn't bother you at all. The second pair caused you to throw yourself down on the floor and kick and scream in a manner that I had never seen before. As I sat stunned on the couch I didn't know what to do? Either to get my camera and take a photo (it was almost comedic the way you were acting) or start worring.  But this just shows me that you have a strong personality, Max. And naturally, I am intrigued. Will this be a preview of your second year of life? I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

I type this letter with a slightly heavy heart. Starting April 1 you will spend 4 days a week with your nanny. I will go back to work. I am at the same time excited to start this new adventure in running my own cafe and scared to leave you.  I have so cherished this last year because it was our special time together.  But I feel in my heart that you are ready to go on your own adventure as well. When I see you around other children there is a light in your eyes that I don't see when we're home together. Sure, you are excited to see me after each nap and when we play you squeal with delight. But when you play with other kids I see you suddenly in a different light. I see you starting to stretch your independence. And I know that I must let you go a little...

So many adventures we've shared in the last year... this new year of life will be even more exciting.

Happy Birthday to my spring baby.

Love,
Mama

 

30 Days :: 30

Today has been a rather long and surreal day. I had resolved myself to think one thing and at the end of the day it changed after finding out some news that will change our lives drastically. In a good way, of course. 

We celebrated. Just Julien and I. Max slept. We ate a homemade dinner and watched tv. Put raspberries in our champagne and looked at each other feeling the same thing. Relief.

This is the end of my 30 day photography project and it's quiet coincidental that on the last day of this project we got the news we've been waiting for.

I bet you're wondering what the heck is going on?

I'm feeling a bit tipsy after having one too many glasses of champagne to write the entire story here, right now. So on that note, I leave you but with a promise of a good story tomorrow.

30 Days :: 29

:: Still a little red...